Archive of ‘Stupidity’ category

Texting and Dating, or Texgate lol 2011

I hope I don’t get in trouble for this.

My friend forwarded me an email from a friend of a friend. It contained a text message conversation between a girl named Jana* and Michael,  a guy she went on one date with. According to the background information I was given, Michael was a seemingly normal, educated (I wish I knew where so I could advise you all not to send your children to that school) 30-year-old. Jana did not anticipate the barrage of strangely-spelled texts she would receive immediately after their very first  date.

Jana is a much nicer lady than I would have been. If there is one thing I can’t stand, it is stupidity with a lack of self-awareness. What really gets me about this is that Michael really seems to think the phrase is “tex message.” Tex. It’s not exactly a typo when he not only uses “tex” repeatedly, but he pluralizes it to “texs.”

THAT IS NUTS.

And honestly, there is no excuse for any 30-year-old man to use “lol” or emoticons in his text messages.

*Names have been changed to protect both the innocent and the stupid

The date took place on a Sunday evening.

SUNDAY

11:12pm – Missed call from Michael

Michael (11:17pm) : was just callin to to say i had a nice night w. u. u seem very real.

DSB note: When trying to impress, use your grown-up words, kids. Even in text messages.

Michael (11:21pm): Don’t really know how u felt about seeing me again… don’t want to waste time… if i am not 4 u or whatever its all good just let me know..i don’t like getting my hopes up for no reason

DSB note: In my experience, it takes more work to get to the numbers section and type in “4” than it is to just write out “for.” Laziness is one thing. Stupidity is another.

Michael (11:31pm): Not trying to make things intence lol. i am just a brutally honest person on the way i feel and just want to know if u really do want to continue hangin in the future.

DSB note: College-educated people should know how to spell “intense.”

Michael (11:49pm): Haha you’re making me sweat out a responce lol, its all good either way just let me know:)

DSB note: And “response.”

Michael (11:56pm): All I ask for is honesty:)

Michael (12:09am): Passin out soon. don’t want to sound desperate for a responce w anymore texs…I am not going to texs you anymore..don’t know even know if u got my texs yet.

DSB note: texs texs texs texs

Michael (12:15am): If I don’t hear back from u then I guess it was nice hanging w u and wish u the best..any responce though wud be the right thing to do..i can handle rejection

Michael (12:21am): I’m a big boy lol

Michael (12:27am): And sorry for the rambling tex messages I am a rambler when i tex lol. will not tex u or call u anymore unless u tell and repsond u want to see me again

DSB note: If only he kept his word about texing…

MONDAY

Michael (8:18 am): Wow!! can’t believe u just ignored me and didn’t even give me answer if you want to see me again that all i asked!! Very rude and not nice. I treated u very well at dinner and even gave u a ride home

Michael (8:22 am): And to ignore me is so f*ckup

DSB note: So very f*ckup

Michael (8:26 am): I didn’t even care if I wasn’t for u. there’s a million in the sea but to ignore some is so childish

DSB note: Oh. IGNORING is what’s childish here.

Jana (8:27 am): Morning! Just got all these msgs! Not gonna lie – they’re kind of freaking me out…

Michael (8:28am): Ahhh, I thought u were just ignoring me cause I sent the when I got home.

Jana (8:30am): Ah. Nope. My phone was charging + I went to sleep early, food coma.

Michael (8:31am): Hahah. I am such an idiot ha

DSB note: Yep.

Michael (8:34am): I am sorry I just liked u and thought u were ignoring me!

Michael (8:35am): Yes I rambled w the text message cause I wanted to go to sleep knowing how u felt

Michael (8:36am): I had not been on a good date w a girl I liked in 4 ever. sorry i came off as intence w the texs i know

DSB note: Some very intence texs!

Jana (8:36am): I had a great time at dinner. But these msgs are kid of off putting, Gotta get ready for work now

Michael: (8:43am): I was very into you what can I say. i f*ckup w the tex messages and i am sorry.. i think we should still hang again. they were just tex messages lol. have a nice day at work…and don’t let a tex message be the determiner of u seeing me again

DSB note: Michael is right. A tex message lol should not be the determiner. But we are up to 18 tex messages lol now.

Michael (8:46am): If u don’t see me again it won’t be from the texts it will be because you not that into me at dinner…i know how these things work

DSB note: That is how these things work? Perhaps I should experiment with my own tex messages lol then. Boys, prepare yourselves!

Jana (8:50am): Thx. All the txting is a bit much. No one has ever sent me 40 msgs like that. Can I just have a bit of space to process all of this.

Michael (8:57am): It wasn’t 40 lol your exaggerating it was like 7-10. Anyways u don’t have to process me. I am a great guy and got a little ocd with the texs. u should want to see me again.

DSB note: The tex message count is up to 20.

Michael (8:58am): And if u need to process seeing me based on 7 tex messages that i sent u only because i really liked u and wanted to know if we were on the same page then ovs your not 4 me.

DSB note: In addition to spelling, Michael needs to learn addition.

Michael (9:00am): I don’t want someone who loses interest over tex messages that were only meant last night in a good way cause i cared about knowing how u felt cause i didn’t want to get my hopes up for no reason

Michael (9:08am): Sorry for the drama but your obvs not for me if u need space to think about whether i am for u based on tex messages. take care be well it would have been great continuing to hang further as i feel like we had great chemistry together. best of luck.

DSB note: According to his theory, I doubt there are any girls that are obvs for him.

Jana (9:11am): Yes. To be totally forthright. the level of intensity is just too much for me so I guess I am not for you after all. regardless, had a nice time at dinner, take care and good luck to you as well:)

Michael (9:14am): Just be honest =) one last thing before we never speak again..did you really want to see me again before i sent you those text messages? or after the date you felt “nice guy but not really 4 me..” cause u don’t know how angry i am at myself for blowing it w u cause of tex messages…

Michael (9:18am): Cause i got the impression by ur energy when u got out of the cab that u weren’t that into me prob would have not seen me again even if i dint write you seven texs.

DSB Note: 25 texs.

Jana (9:19am): don’t be angry with yourself. you’re just doing you. just not the way i am used to communicating. have a good one Michael. be well. bye.

Michael (9:22am): yes, all i was asking about was did u really want to see me again after the date B4 the tex messages??? please just answer that question honestly that is all I ask of u.

Michael (9:24am): Just for my records so I will know how to behave differently the next time I take out a girl.

DSB note: How about stopping after one tex?

Jana (9:25am): Yes.

Michael (9:29am): Uchhhh. u don’t know how shitty i feel now that u say yes. the tex messages were rambled based on scardem and you’re wrong its not me to behave in that matter…

DSB note: At first I thought “scardem” meant “sarcasm” and I was confused. My friend explained to me that Michael is trying to use a word that would be better articulated as”scaredom” — also not a real word.

Michael (9:31am): I liked u so much and hadn’t like one person I went out with in 3 months…. when u didn’t respond i panicked and behaved in intence manner. i wish u could give me another chance and give me three strike rule like baseball…

Michael (9:35am): can u give me two more strikes or even one???? 🙂 I do have a heart you will miss out

Jana: (9:40am): I am sure you do. You are a nice guy. I just don’t think we are a good match. I will let you know if I change my mind. I really have to focus on work now though so please stop with the texts, thanks!

THURSDAY (she had told him on their Sunday date that she had book club on Wednesday night)

Michael (6:15 pm): Jaaanaaaa… hey sweet thang.. how was book club?

DSB note: OK seriously, what is wrong with him‽

Michael (6:20pm): Did you read any nice novels?

Michael (9:00 pm): Ok i c i am peaced. whatever nighty night.

Michael (9:16): I got other girls lined up anyways

DSB note: Good luck with that

FRIDAY

Michael (8:09 pm): hey wsup…

Michael (8:16 pm): ok bein shut down>>>later…your loss over a tex message lol

DSB note: 36 tex messages lol

Michael (8:27 pm): u will never find someone as good as me thats 4 sure…good luck

DSB note: Somehow, I doubt that

Listen, boys. My girlfriends and I Gchat about our crappy dates and the ridiculous and absurd situations we find ourselves in. My friend Jackie and I have a little saying that goes something like this:

What is wrong with EVERYONE?!

That phrase applies perfectly to Michael. What is wrong with him? I wonder how he could have appeared normal to Jana at all during the date because idiocy at this level usually permeates all modes of conversation. But for whatever reason, she thought he was a regular non-moron.

This text exchange has made the rounds. Someone sent it to my friend, my friend sent it to me, I sent it to a few friends and the entire internet. Girls will talk.

If Michael happens upon the blog post, hopefully he will glean some insight. But I bet he won’t — some people just don’t get it. Michael is clearly one of those. lol.

Read Texgate lol 2011: The Aftermath

 

 

Too Pale to Run a Marathon

Thank you all for being so excited for me and my new gig writing for NBC New York! Yesterday, my second post went up!

Dori’s Quest: The Refine Method is a review of Refine Method, the workout I have been obsessed with for the last few months. This review is the first in a series I will be working on at NBC New York called Dori’s Quest – all about my quest to find the perfect workout in New York City. I will review different classes, trainers, trends and more. Expect to find these articles on Mondays. I am so happy that Refine got to be my first in this series; especially timely since they just won NY Magazine’s Best New Workout of 2011.

Back to business.

It is no secret that I am frustrated with the health care system in this country. I’ve mentioned my GI illness on here before but I don’t know if you know that I haven’t actually been to a doctor about it in almost a year and a half. I saw so many doctors and in the end they all told me there was nothing they could do, and sent me off to a surgeon. I ended up seeing two surgeons who both recommended major surgery that would essentially destroy my life.

Not good. Not necessary.

So it was a nice surprise to find an orthopedist who specializes in hips who I really liked. As I discussed in My Hip Injury: Part 1 and Part 2, the doctor sent me for an MRI — it showed a labral tear — as well as a cortisone injection and physical therapy. His goal was to get the areas surrounding my hip nice and strong to take the stress off my hip and, if I improve enough, be able to try and start training for the NYC Marathon by June.

I received a few aggressive — but well-meaning — comments in response to this idea.

I have a labrum tear and FAI and there is nothing that physical therapy, injections, rest can do to heal this injury . . .  you should just have surgery and get it out of the way. Surgery is the only thing that will ever get rid of a labrum tear . . . Frankly, I think that your physician and therapists are misleading you to believe that your injury will allow you to run a marathon. By all means it is your body but the more complicated the tear the more complicated the surgery and the more complicated the recovery process and the less chance of a full and complete recovery . . .  I always like to remember that A-Rod had a torn labrum in 2009 and was playing baseball 2 months later. If they labrum would heal itself with time then why did surgeons opt to fix him before the season instead of letting it heal or waiting until December for surgery?

and

Dori, while I think it’s great you are trying to do everything you can and you are seeing a reduction in pain I have to agree with the [above comment]. You could get a second opinion on your MRI but if you really have a labral tear, it will not go away on its own. If your labrum is already trying to heal, this sort of workload will surely do serious damage . . . Trust me I’ve been through all the self-talk, telling myself “Oh if I’m better by this date…” and I’ve come to learn, your body does not work by your brain’s deadlines. Your body does what it wants to do and you can only do so much. I don’t want to scare you but if there’s anything I could tell past me it’s to go easy and pay attention to your body.

I know the commenters were trying to be helpful. However, everyone’s situation is different and because the commenters are not physicians, I decided to make another appointment with my doctor. It was time for a follow-up anyway.

He stretched me this way and that and asked about my pain. I told him that since my cortisone injection in the middle of January, I haven’t felt that same sharp pain. And my thickened tendon that caused the swelling (and the majority of my pain) completely disappeared.

“That is excellent!” the doctor told me. “I often have patients who get the cortisone, and then two weeks later they are in pain again. Those are the patients I recommend surgery to. It is a very good sign that your pain hasn’t returned.”

Happy with this news, but still concerned (after all, one of the commenters said my doctor was misleading me!) I brought up the fact of labral tears never actually healing.

“If I MRI’d a group of people off the street,” the doctor explained, “a bunch of them would show labral tears.” It turns out that labral tears are extremely common, but are often asymptomatic so people do all sorts of activities without even knowing they have a tear. I felt my injury because of the inflamed tendon, and my acupuncturist felt hers because of a cyst that developed in the area — but for many people, the tear is so deep inside they never know it is there. And if that is just random people off the street, imagine how much more prevalent this is likely to be in the running community.

This means that many people do in fact run marathons with labral tears. While some bad cases would need surgery, a person can run a marathon without it. This doesn’t mean that I will definitely be able to run, but it also doesn’t mean I won’t.

My doctor — who, by the way, is one of a very small group of doctors in the city who specializes in hip arthroscopy — said that there is no reason someone as young as me, who is not currently experiencing pain, to need surgery. As for the comment comparing my situation to A-Rod, well that is apples to oranges. Not only does he um, lift heavy weights and do much more intense workouts, he also has (as my doctor made a point to explain) 10 years on me. And a baseball career. And not all labral tears are the same.

I am young. I have the luxury of time. If I can’t run the marathon, I don’t need to. Just because A-Rod needed surgery for a labral tear does not mean I can’t achieve my goals without the same surgery. Different degree of injury, different goals, different needs. The claim that his doctors are better than mine for not “letting him heal or waiting until December” is silly because his situation is totally different.

My doctor never told me the labrum would “heal itself” as that commenter implied. What he did tell me  is that it is possible to work around a torn labrum since many people do this every day. As for a sabotaging my “complete and full recovery” — that commenter seemed to contradict herself, after just saying recovery was not possible. And while the tear is forever,  some people can continue with their lives without getting surgery.

My doctor is a surgeon. He makes money from surgery. If a surgeon talks you OUT of surgery, don’t you think he has a good reason for that? It is in his best interest to cut me open. But he seems to be looking out for mine. Also, this surgery is new. Hip arthroscopy is only 5-10 years old in the United States. My doctor told me that the surgery technique this year is far better than it was last year. Next year, he explained, the surgery will be even better. Every year is another year this surgery has been around, and another year of knowledge. If there is no rush and I can function, why get surgery now when it will be better next year?

And he would not perform surgery on someone who is not in pain. He told me that as long as I am not hurting, I could try to start to slowly build up with my running. A slow mile, see how I do. Stop if I feel any pain at all. Increase. Repeat.

Obviously this is the news I wanted to hear, and my doctor was logical and made complete sense.

But because I don’t intend to take my situation lightly, I made an appointment for a second opinion with another hip specialist at the Hospital for Special Surgery. I brought my MRI images to show him.

When the doctor came into the room, he stretched my leg a few different ways, saying “So you hurt yourself training for the marathon?”

“No,” I replied. “I didn’t start to train yet, but I would like to this year.”

“But you were supposed to run the marathon last year.”

Where did he get this from? “No, I am supposed to run it this year.”

“Why didn’t you run it last year?”

“Because I didn’t get into it last year.”

This visit was off to a strange start. The doctor sat down on a wheeling stool, looked at directly at me and asked me if I am healthy.

“Yes, very healthy,” I told the doctor. He looked at me doubtfully.

“Do you eat meat?”

“No.”

“Do you drink milk?”

“No.”

“Then you are not healthy.”

And he said it with a smirk.  If there is one thing that bothers me, it is a misinformed doctor. Even more than that, a misinformed, arrogant doctor.

(There are plenty of ways to be healthy without eating meat — in fact, there is a great deal of evidence that avoiding animal products is the best way to prevent cancer, heart disease, diabetes and many other illnesses. Brendan Brazier’s Thrive: The Vegan Nutrition Guide to Optimal Performance in Sports and Life offers incredible resources for athletes. And then there is Scott Jurek, the vegan ultramarathoner. He’s doing pretty well if you ask me. I am a vegetarian, and while I am not vegan, I do try to avoid animal products as often as possible. With my GI illness, this has helped me immensely.)

I told the doctor that I am, in fact, very healthy and that I have done a lots research about this — and had blood tests. He smugly shook his head. Then:

You are too fragile and pale to run a marathon. Some people will never be able to run a marathon and you are one of them.”

I was confounded. First, by fragile I can only assume he means thin. Yes, I am a relatively small person. I have small bones. I know that he thinks I am only small because I don’t eat meat or drink milk, but when I used to do those things I looked exactly the same as I do now.

I am strong. I work out hard. And in theory, wouldn’t being smaller make me a better runner? I don’t know, but his claim still sounded ridiculous. Maybe plausible?

But pale‽

I didn’t take the morning off work and trek all the way to the East River to talk about my porcelain skin tone. I was there to hear what he had to say about my MRI and whether he agreed with my other doctor that I could try to slowly build up my running.

“You are fragile and pale. You are clearly lacking Vitamin D and calcium. You are going to get a stress fracture. I see many stress fractures, and every woman looks exactly like you.”

Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa. First, I didn’t go to the doctor to ask if I would one day get a stress fracture due to my “unhealthy” diet, pale skin and small frame.

Next, since when does the shade of one’s skin have any effect on their athletic ability? That is absurd! Yes, I am pale. I was born with pale skin. I heard it has to do with some newfangled scientific theory, something called genetics? Heard of that? Apparently we inherit traits from our family, and we, like, look like them or something. Crazy! Answers a lot of questions I had about my fro, though.

The doctor told me to get plenty of sun. When it is nice out, I do! But, I do not get tan. I get freckles. I will always be pale. Light skin does NOT indicate a Vitamin D or calcium or any other type of deficiency. At least not if you looked like this your entire life.

Dismissing his ridiculous claims, I turned the conversation to the reason I was there: just how bad is this tear and is my other doctor right in telling me I can try to run?

“Almost every MRI will show a labral tear,” he said. “It means nothing. Yes, yours shows a tear, but we can’t know for sure you really have a tear unless we open you up and look inside.”

Despite the fact that this doctor was . . . lacking . . . he did say the exact same thing as my other doctor about the general population and labral tears. Lots of people are walking around with possible tears, the MRIs of random people will show this, and it does not necessarily indicate a serious problem when there is no pain.

“Can I try to slowly build up my running?”

“Sure. But stop if you feel pain because you are going to get a stress fracture.”

Fine. Done. I can try to run. I will stop when I feel pain, which I would have done anyway, having learned my lesson the hard way about ignoring symptoms, getting myself into this situation in the first place. That is what I was there to hear.

I am nervous. I am scared. I will give running a try. I actually started last week and felt fine, but I am taking it really slowly and paying close attention to any signs of pain.

All I can say is — I am so happy that this was not the first doctor I went to about my hip.

Did a doctor ever tell you something ridiculous?

 

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