Hi kids,

I haven’t posted on here in a long time, and there are good reasons and not good reasons for this.

The good reasons:

1. 1. for the time being, i am employed and trying to keep it that way
2. 2. i attempted to start a second, anonymous blog that i posted on regularly

Hm. Only two of those. Not as  good as I thought. And now, the bad reasons:

1. 1. I’m lazy
2. 2. I’m supremely lazy
3. 3. I am clearly a failure at blogging (see reason #2 on “good” list)

And that’s about it. I have some updates.

We all have someone at work who annoys us. I understand that it is difficult working in a cubicle environment when you can overhear everyone’s conversations. But, there is a huge difference between hearing a conversation — even hearing a loud conversation — and hearing the most irritating, excrutiating sound in the history of this planet.

I am not exaggerating. For privacy’s sake, let’s call the offender “Simba.” The internet is a good thing.

Simba, since my very first day at my current job, has been the bain of my existence. He has two friends whose names I know. These friends do not work here. I know their names because he speaks to them on the phone. Let’s call them “Timon and Pumbaa.”

I don’t know what Timon and Pumbaa do for work. I do know that they have unlimited free time to talk on the phone all day long. I do know what Simba does for work. I also know that Simba ignores his work duties to talk on the phone to Timon and Pumbaa all day long. I have even heard Simba tell someone, “I am swamped for the next few hours” only to hear him on the phone with his friends for those few hours.

He isn’t simply talking on the phone. This is where the problem is.

Let me first say that I don’t understand what could possible be SO funny ALL THE TIME. That being said, Simba laughs more than anyone I have ever known. And when I say laugh, I mean hyena laugh. What is a hyena laugh, you ask? It is screeching, shouting, HOWLING laughter that goes on for a minimum of 45 seconds and no maximum time, as sometimes it never ends. The hyena laughter is mixed with what i call cackles. Cackles are a sound that is hard to type, but imagine a laugh that sounds like “kkkkkkkkkk” and is made by pushing the top of your mouth against the bottom all the way in the back. It is painful to hear. Sometimes while laughing, you hear creaking. This means Simba has become so excited with his laughter he is now jumping and bouncing in his chair.

The laughter is not the entire problem. His voice is the problem as well. When you talk to him for work, he speaks in a normal voice, so I know he is capable of doing so. However, as soon as he gets on the phone, he switches to the most high pitched voice you have ever heard. Why??? And he uses so much inflection and up and down tones. He gets VERY enthused about whatever he is saying and will go on forever in this high pitched shrieking voice. Sometimes he makes loud shrieking noises, usually preceding a the start of the hyena laugh.

And that’s not all. There are other sounds as well, the most irritating being “HMPH.” For some reason, he makes this sound at least every day on the phone, sometimes up to 50 times in a day. I know, I do tallies. And there is rarely one “hmph” alone. Typically, it is a series. “Hmph! Hmph! Hmph! Hmph! Hmph! Hmph! Hmph! Hmph! Hmph! Hmph! Hmph! ”

Sometimes, instead of “hmph,” it is just “HM.” “Hm!” I hate that as well.

Every time I hear his phone voice, I start to feel anixety. My chest seems to close up. It becomes difficult to breathe. Impossible to concentrate on work. I put in headphones and make the music as loud as it goes, but I still hear him OVER it, which is just so much worse. Also, I don’t like listening to music while I’m working, and it annoys me that I have to because of him.

And the thing is, EVERYONE hears him. People have asked him to be quiet before, but he ignores them. My group’s intern approached him over the summer and asked if he could please lower his voice, and what did he do? Said to his friend on the phone “My intern just asked me to be quiet! HA! HAHAHAHAHAHahahahhahahaHAHAHAHAHhahahah (hyena laughter) hahahahahahahahahaa.” HIS intern??! WTF.

He says his friends names while talking to them in a long nonstop series as well. “TimonTimonTimonTimonTimonTimonTimonTimonTimonTimonTimonTimonTimonTimonTimonTimon” - one long word. Sometimes he conferences them and talks to both of them at once. But, always the laughter.  ALWAYS the laughter. It doesn’t stop.

He is at his worst on days when the office is more empty, like days that are a holiday but not a work holiday, like the day after Thanksgiving. On that day last year, he was already on the phone when I got to work at 9:00 AM. He did not get off the phone — a call complete with hyena laughter, shrieking, howling and high pithced sounds — until after 12:00 PM! OVER 3 HOURS!

Monday mornings you can hear him enthusiastically on the phone as early as 9 AM as well. WHAT COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE TO LAUGH ABOUT THAT EARLY ON A MONDAY MORNING??! Which brings me to my next point — what is there to talk about all the time?! And don’t his friends work? Why do they have so much to say and WHAT IS SO HILARIOUS THAT REQUIRES SUCH VIOLENT FITS OF LAUGHTER EVERY DAY??!!!

Oh the stress he causes me. One day he will work in a place where this is not tolerated. I would love to hear him get reprimanded for this. He is out of control.

I was on the phone with a friend recently who heard Simba say “HMPH!” through the phone. Simba sits 2 rows behind and 1 row over from me — and my friend heard him through MY phone. Ridiculous.

Also, Simba is a guy who is in his late twenties/early thirties. He is married. I have never once heard him on the phone with his wife (I have heard him talk to his mom, though). What I want to know is, what guy chats on the phone with his friends like this?? I never heard of such a thing!

More to come on the Simba situation.

Something else that annoys me in the subway. You are at the top of the stairs and people are coming up the escalator/stairs next to you, meaning they just exited the train that you hope to enter. But you are at the TOP of the stairs. These people are nearing the TOP of the escalator. You start running, risking sweat and breathlessness and fatigue. WHY??

So you can try to get on the same train these people got off. Here’s some news for you: You’re not gonna make it! Why bother? Why exert all your energy and dart down the stairs at high speed to make a train whose doors definitely already closed! If the people are nearing the top of the escalator, you missed your chance.

And don’t you know that trains come every few minutes, more often during rush hour which is when I specifically witness this phenomenon? After a guy wearing a do-rag (must have been extra sweaty under there!) ran as fast as his little legs could take him down the stairs, I couldn’t help but notice he (obviously) missed the train. He seemed annoyed. About 4 seconds later another train pulled into the station. I walked down the stairs at a normal speed, knowing there was no way I would make that first train. We both got on the same train; him tired and worn out, me just fine. Was it worth it? To save 4 seconds of his time?

Must have been a very important 4 seconds that do-rag man can never get back. 

A friend of mine that I’ll call “Greg” told me about an experience he had on an escalator. I became so outraged by this information, I had to share:

“At work, I was taking the escalator down to the cafeteria and two ladies were standing side by side. So I asked one of them very nicely to let me pass (’Excuse me, can i pass?’). She doesn’t step to the right, but instead moves slightly to the left so I can push my way in between. As I’m walking away, she says, ‘You know, you could always take the stairs. That is an option’. I looked back, shocked that my request elicited such a venomous response. I turned around and almost said ‘If anyone need to take the stairs it would be you and your friend . . . you can use the exercise,’ but instead I said “Thanks for the advice.’ Unreal!”

My comments: WTF??!! Of course Greg can take the stairs, but the part of the beauty of the escalator is that it allows you to get from one place to another quickly! And as most everyone knows, the general rule of thumb on escalators is “stand on the right.” In London they even have signs! There is no rule saying “Escalators for standing only.” That is ridiculous. The women are in the wrong here for not knowing the rule. And for being bitches.

I’ve been meaning to write this for awhile now, and Randy recently tackled the same topic, so I figured I might as well get my anger out.

1. To walk, place one foot in front of the other. Repeat with opposite foot. Continue with this pattern until you reach your desired destination. Remember, KEEP MOVING. Just walk! Why can’t you walk?

2. If you need to stop in the middle of the sidewalk, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. The edge of the sidewalk closest to buildings is a good spot, as is near a tree on the street side. Do not, I repeat, do not simply cease moving mid-sidewalk.

3. When walking under a scaffold, close your umbrella. There is no need for others to have to duck around you and try not to get hit. The rain will not touch you with a protective shield above your head.

4. When you are carrying a closed, very large umbrella, do not hold it horizontally and swing your arm back and forth as you walk. Your umbrella will kill someone. Stop being so fucking inconsiderate. There is no need to swing. I promise.

5. If I am walking straight and you are diagnally behind me and you decide you need to get to the other side of me to get wherever you are going, do not walk into me. Why not just turn left or right behind me or in front of me? Why walk INTO me?!

5a. If you are coming at me from a 90 degree angle, again, no need to walk INTO me. No need at all.

6. If you are walking with your friend, don’t leave a space between you that no one can fit through when there is no room to pass on either side. Give me a chance to get past! Especially when you and your friends decide to walk extra slow.

7. If you are a slow walker, walk on the side so those who don’t have all the time in the world can get past you.

8. When the walking light is blinking, DO NOT STOP as soon as you get to the crosswalk. I am walking right behind you and I want to make the light! Again, it must be nice to have so much free time and nowhere to be, but you must be considerate of those who aren’t as fortunate.

9. The subway escalator series:

- If you want to stand, STAND ON THE RIGHT. The left is for people who walk.

- If you are running down the escalator (on the left side) because a train is at the bottom, do not suddenly stop when you realize it isn’t your train. I’m running right behind you, and it might be my train, inconsiderate douchebag.

- When you walk toward the escalator and reach the entrance, it is not the time to stop, open your bag, look for whatever it is you are looking for, put away your metro card, etc. I am behind you and am trying to get on the escalator. I do not want to miss a train because you chose the worst place ever to stop.

10. When you swipe your MetroCard and get a message on the screen that you don’t have enough money on your card (Insufficient Funds), do not keep swiping. Do you think the money will suddenly appear on your card if you swipe repeatedly and hold up everyone waiting behind you? No, you idiot. The message means you have to put money on your card! STOP SWIPING.

11. After you swipe your card and the message reads “GO”, go! Now you hesitated because you’re a tourist, you lost the trip you paid for, and you are too stupid to realize it. You try to push through too late and you can’t get past. You don’t understand why and you start swiping again repeatedly, once again holding up the line. What the fuck do you think “go” means you jackass??

12. When you are with a very large group of friends on the sidewalk and I am trying to get by, move out of the way. Very simple concept. You and your group are creating a swarm in the middle of the sidewalk and there is no way for me to get past. Clear a path.

13. Do not walk on the back of my shoe.

14. I said it before, and I’ll say it again, DON’T WALK INTO ME.

15. Stop swerving. You’re not a drunk driver. I was walking straight and now you’re blocking my way.

16. WALK!!!!!

That concludes How to Walk in the City 102. I know I didn’t cover it all, and I will have much more to teach you in How to Walk in the City 103.

I just realized I had been combining Forever stamps with 1 cent stamps since the last time the stamp price went up.

Sometimes I am not that bright.

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/050108dnmetbillion.b623795f.html

Dumbest guy ever!

My comments:

1. $360 BILLION? Really?? You want to try and cash a check for more money than the United States itself has as a whole. Okay. (exaggeration to prove point)

2. Do you even realize how much money a billion actually is? Much less 360 of them? Why not try cashing fake checks at, let’s say, $1,000 and working our way up from there? Oh, because $360,000,000,000 is exactly what one needs to start up a music company. I forgot.

3. “…and when the bank contacted the check owner, the woman said she did not write a check for $360 billion.”
Didn’t she now?

4. “Mr. Fuller was also accused of unlawful carrying of a weapon and possession of marijuana.”
Exactly what one takes along when trying to cash a multi-billion dollar check. It’s the perfect crime!

5. $360,000,000,000!!!!!

It’s always easy to spot the tourists visiting Manhattan. We see them taking pictures in front of popular landmarks like Grand Central Station and the Empire State Building, and even some not so popular locations . . . like random apartment buildings — but that is okay, since these people most likely don’t have anything that looks like this in their hometown. Today, however, I saw a couple taking a picture that surprised me . . . and then confused me.

The wife was standing in front of D’Agastino pretending to be about to walk in (the exit door, since that was directly under the store’s sign), while her husband took a picture of her. I resisted the urge to go up to them and say, “Um… you know this is a supermarket, right?”

I don’t know where these people are from, but I am fairly certain they are exposed to supermarkets — actually, superstores in the league of Wegman’s, Safeway, Publix and Winn Dixie, among many others. Stores like these blow D’Agastino away. Walk into Wegman’s and find yourself in a world where your every wish is literally at your fingertips. In college, we used to go out to dinner at Wegman’s. They had freshly prepared food — all kinds — in addition to everything else you would ever need to live AND enjoy life while you’re at it. You name it, Weggie’s had it. Same can be said for the other superstores I mentioned — and believe me, these are ALL over this country. You can even find Whole Foods in New York City, if you want a store with lots of great prepared stuff.

So why is D’Agastino so fascinating to these people who are most likely used to stores far superior? D’Agastino is really just your regular run of the mill supermarket, they’ve got the basics plus a little more . . . but nothing over the top, nothing spectacular, nothing to make it that much better than Food Emporium or Gristedes really. Sure, it’s a major improvement over Key Food. But then again, what isn’t?

I guess it is very cool for these people to go back home and tell their friends and family they went to D’Agastino . . . I just don’t get why. And if they really feel the need to take a picture in front of a New York City grocery store, might I suggest The Gourmet Garage? Now that is a unique store. Plus, they’ll find lots more cheese.

But all things aside, let me reiterate that this couple took a picture in front of a SUPERMARKET. If groceries are truly the highlight of their trip to New York City . . . well, they’re a different kind of people. Clearly.

I’m sorry if I sound like an asshole, or if I sound like someone who is from New York so I don’t get the touristy idea . . . but I really don’t think that is the case. I understand taking a picture of the Statue of Liberty as much as the next person . . .but I like to think that I draw the line at popular food chains.

Next time I am in a place with what I have labeled a superstore, I will be sure to take a picture in front of it. Because after shopping at places far superior to D’Agastino, I know what is truly cool in grocery shopping.

When I was at the Gap with my mom and brother, I picked up a hat and tried it on. I was intrigued; the hat was soft, not itchy, not tight to mess up my hair or make me feel uncomfortable, with flaps to — and here is the best part — COVER MY EARS. In other words, I found the perfect winter hat. Just what I never knew I always needed.

I walked up to my family members while wearing the hat to get their thoughts. They laughed and said it looked a little silly, but when I told my mom how comfortable and warm I felt, she offered to buy it for me.

As soon as I walked outside, I knew I made the right choice with the hat. I felt warm and cozy. And when my mom and brother started laughing over how ridiculous I looked, I didn’t even care much. I was warm. My ears were covered!

A week later when my mom laughed at me again, I knew it was because I looked cute!

I began wearing the hat on every cold day. I knew it looked a bit silly, but when it was that cold I would wear my coat hood over the hat anyway, and I tend to pull the hat off on the subway anyway. And again, I cannot stres how warm and soft the hat is — and it doesn’t mess up my hair. In fact, I believe it improves my hair. One day I forgot to bring my hat, and my ears nearly froze off. It was a sad day.

So this week I was on the subway after work on one of the coldest days so far. There was freezing rain and snow outside, and I had just walked 4 avenues to get to the train. I was freezing. The train was so packed that I couldn’t maneuver to remove my hat — but I didn’t want to anyway. I was freezing! And I would just have to put that hat on again after a couple stops when I got off the train.

After one stop, three obnoxious guys got on. It’s actually really hard to put into words just how obnoxious they were — you really needed to be there to understand. Also, I had my headphones on so I was trying to tune them out. There were 3 guys, abut 18 or 19 years old. Clearly uneducated. Clearly stupid. White, but clearly trying to be black. They were being ridiculously loud and I am positive the other people were as annoyed as I was. The most obnoxious of the three starts freestyling — loudly. He even used the N word, and I was sad to not see anyone around us who might have wanted to hurt him for that. It was his lucky day, I guess. He and his friends were being stupid and laughing, and then it became personal.

“Hey, tell that girl you like her hat!” followed by a lot of laughter amongst the friends — as if I wasn’t standing right next to them and couldn’t hear them. They laughed like it was the funniest thing they ever heard. I was mortified not because I cared what they thought but because I didn’t want the other people on the train to look at me. If there is one thing I can’t handle, it is when the attention of more than 3 people at a time is focused on me. It scares me to death, and I try to avoid drawing attention to myself as much as possible.

I pretended not to hear them, even though it was impossible not to hear them, being that I was RIGHT NEXT TO THEM. My stop couldn’t come soon enough. And really, the hat might be silly, but it’s not so ridiculous as to be an object of public ridicule! It’s from the GAP! How bad can anything that widely mass produced really be?

Needles to say, when I got back outside in the sleet, I was thankful that I hadn’t forgotten my hat like I had the day before. My ears were thankful, too.

Two things:

1. I was walking up the stairs to exit a subway station when someone says to me, “Excuse me Miss - you dropped something.” Since I was holding on to a few things, it certainly was plausible that I would drop something, so I looked down to see. At that moment, the guy says, “SIKE! He then turns to his friend and said, “Did you see? She looked!” as if I wouldn’t have believed him or something. Um, not only did I have no reason to doubt what he told me, but WHO SAYS SIKE?! What year are we in and is that even funny? Why is it funny that I thought I dropped something? I just don’t get it!

2. I was at my friend’s birthday party, and some guy comes up to Missy and I and says, “What are you, like, 16!” So we were obviously annoyed since he knew we were there for the same friend he was there for, and why was he acting like that? So we didn’t continue talking to him. A little later on, he came up to us again and started talking. Still annoyed from before, I said, “What are you, like, 12?” He was like “Why would you say that to me, why are you being like that?” So I told him it was in response to what he said to us earlier. He claimed to have never said that — so we told him we both heard it, and he did say it. He then put his fingers in the shape of a “W” with his thumbs touching, and put it up to his forehead — the universal sign for WHATEVER made popular in 1995 from Clueless (along with the Loser “L”). Then he walked away, clearly way too cool for our company.

Once again — what year is this?? We still make “Whatever” W’s? We still say “Sike”? Sure, we all know that ”everything old is new again” — but I’d like to think we can be more selective when it comes to what, exactly, we make new again.

Thanks and have a great night, herbs.

Anyone who has ever had at least one conversation with me in a casual environment knows that I love stereotypes. I think they are very funny — mostly when you can ridicule yourself. So I and explain any stingy behavior away by simply saying, “I’m Jewish.” Today on the bus I had an experience that exemplifies another stereoptype.

Enjoy this potpourri of message chains. I will label each one accordingly:

Stupidity at it’s best
Read the following Facebook message (that I received when I was well out of school) from the bottom up:

Dori: I really hope that second question was more “conversation” or else you really are an idiot
Michael: lol i know im just making conversation. which year are you?
Dori: Um, why don’t you read my profile before asking me questions that are already answered in there?
Michael: hey cute pictures =) do you still go to baruch?

Dumbfounded… or just plain dumb?
A message I got on MySpace that everyone should see:

Subject: a pro writter?
Body: hey im considering journalism as my job of choice to learn in college. i seem to have a knack for writting and i love covering sports…soo..by all accounts its up my ally. tho at the same time i dont want a real job. i want my job to be pro athlete!..yaa besides the fact that that wont happen…whats it like bieng a pro writter? what do you write about? who do you write for? what are some of the things you gotta do and know inorder to be a pro writteR?

im very curious to know
-matt

Matt, here is my advice for you:
1. If you are serious about becoming a pro writter, I suggest you learn how to spell “writer”
2. You do have a knack for it, and you will be successful in it because you will be the very first pro writter
3. It’s up your ally? As in, the U.S., Russia and the U.K.?
4. Don’t give up your dreams on being an pro athlete

*Disclaimer: Any and all correspondence sent to me is fair game for ridicule if you are a moron

What is wrong with this message?
Subject:HI CUTE

Body:HEY DORY YOU ARE SO PRETTY , GOD BLESS YOU, IAM FROM JERSEY, AND I LOVE OASIS TOO

1. My name: You clicked on a picture with my name above it. You wrote me a message while the correct spelling of my name was ON THE SAME PAGE as the you wrote it, in the “To” section. And yet you still spelled my name wrong. Which means that not only are you an idiot, but you can’t even copy letters correctly.

2. Oasis: Do you really think I wrote that dialogue entitled “British Parliament” to express my views on Oasis? If I loved Oasis (which I don’t, I think they are good though), wouldn’t I list them in my “Music” section as favorite artists? I wouldn’t write a crazy skit about it and post that skit in my profile.

3. Subject Line: Hi Cute. Uhh, did you mean “cutie”?

That is all I have to say about this message.

All _____ look alike
Another real MySpace message:

I read your blog about the Israeli soldier who tried to sell you a phone and buy your iPod….to me that sounds like he somehow just tell someone is Jewish. To me, y’all look like the any other white person…so is there some methodology I don’t know? Are you gonna celebrate Shabbat on March 3rd? I know these things because my apartment is right next to a synagogue.
Mike

Ok, kids. Obviously I can say a lot about this, but the first thing I have to bring up is the fact that this kid took the next Friday that is coming up and acted like it was a holiday in itself. March 3rd. The conversation could go something like this:

“Oh, are you celebrating March 3rd this year?”
“What’s that?”
“It’s Shabbat again!”
“Wow these Fridays come and go fast these days”And what should my response have been? Jordana suggested, “now that you mention it, i think i will celebrate shabbat on March 3, and maybe March 10 too….”

Or…

“Wow! Friday is Shabbat!!! Who wouldve known, I mean, it just totally crept up on me”

And my brilliant little brother said:
“march 3rd
shabbat day
one of the high holy holidays”

Right. Next point: in case I have to clarify for everyone, the Israeli guy on the bus didn’t “approach” me. I had my iPod in my hand and he was sitting next to me. I also had my phone in my hand when he brought that one up. He did not suspect that I might be Jewish or even care. And why would being Jewish or not impact his decision on whether or not to buy my iPod? Or my cell phone? I should have sold the guy my phone in retrospect since it sucks and I just ordered a new one. I probably should have bought a new one from him as well.

And I’m glad you think we Jews blend in with the rest of the white people. That has been our goal for many years. Really since we started the at-birth horn removal surgeries. Once we blend in and can’t be spotted– that is when we can take over from right under the gentiles’ noses.

And this coming from an Asian.

I hate to do too much of the same, but…
Subject:hey

Body: eeeew….IHOP sucks, how can you like that restaurant? Da vince code sucks, too, but Baruch College is the Best. I went there and graduated in 2004. What do you do at the job you hate so much?

I really don’t want to get in the habit of posting messages I get too often… but I got so heated by this one that it stayed with me, and I just had to.

1. IHOP sucks. I think IHOP is delicious– so does everyone I know. It is fine that you don’t like it– maybe you don’t like breakfast food. Or pancakes, which is just weird. But saying my favorite restaurant sucks is not the way to get me to like you. How can I like that restaurant? It’s easy! I like the food there. That is generally how people choose which restaurants they like. And by the way: “eeeew”?? It is fine not to like something “Ed”, but it is downright rude to make such a big deal knowing that the person you are telling this to loves what you are professing hatred for. Get some fucking manners.

2. The Da vince code sucks. You are the first person I have heard of you didn’t like The Da Vinci Code, which is fine. I happen to have loved it, and it is a page turner. That being said, I can totally respect your opinion on not liking it. Although you might want to learn to spell “Da Vinci” before ridiculing it in an effort to make me feel stupid. And this is not a way to get me to like you (which I assume is why you are messaging me in the first place– you want me to like you)

3. Baruch College is the Best. ????? Um. What? I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, Baruch is a CUNY. It is one building. It is a commuter school. It is not even a good school at ALL (unless you are there for business). It is extremely poorly run, the entire school is a mess. That being said, it is school. And I will once again add– COMMUTER SCHOOL. You officially have lost the right to say that ANY school is the “best” if you had to go home at the end of the day to your parents. Another point— IS THIS REALLY YOUR WAY OF MAKING ME LIKE YOU? By saying a horrible school is the Best with a capital B? I feel SO much anger by this one. And it is weird to hate IHOP pancakes but think a school is the Best.
P.S. I’m glad you got such a good education at Baruch that you know that Da vince code is all lowercase (and has an e, apparently), and that random words in the middle of the sentence can be capitalized.

4. The job you hate so much. Where did you get that from? Apparently you didn’t read my blogs where I convey the idea that I enjoy my job (by posting pics of books we have, writing pretend emails, etc)… ok, that is fine. You don’t have to read my blogs, I am actually glad you didn’t. But where on earth did you get the idea that I hate my job? And not only do I hate it, I hate it so much. Wow. That is intense. I am glad you know me so well. Before you write me an idiotic message, why don’t you make sure you know what you are talking about.

And lastly, the newest one. I belong in a Pokeball.
Subject: jesus christ i now i beilive in angels lol
Body: Damn….i dunno how to say this but if i had a pokeball i’d put you in. And keep you..jus cus your soooo fuckin adorbale like those cute ass pokemon cartoons…..but you waaaaay cuter