Home » Archive by category 'Funny' (Page 11)

Archive of ‘Funny’ category

I Spun, I Puppy Watched, I Got Spam and I Learned To Drive

Hi kids and pups. And I mean it when I say pups — I have been watching Santana for the last few days on a live camera feed! She is adorable and sweet and a very sleepy baby. I love her so much I sometimes don’t know what to do other than make smushy sounds and instant message Mallory to discuss how much I love her dog and give her a play by play of Santana’s every move, as Mallory does not have access to this site. She curls up into a little ball to sleep sometimes. santana ball

Sometimes she lies on her side. No matter what, it is adorable. I really want my own puppy so I don’t have to miss my brother’s from across the country. I think it is wrong that I miss Santana this much. If I had my own puppy I could just love it in real life. Anyway…

santana sleep     santana sleep

Funny Spam Comment
I have excellent spam filters on this blog, and sometimes I read through my spam folder for fun. Here is one funny spam comment I received yesterday:

You know so many interesting infomation. You might be very wise. I like such people. Don’t top writing.

I have to say… I agree. I kinda wanted to unspam this so the comment could live on my site for eternity. But then I thought about being responsible for people clicking on that link and getting infected with computer-eating viruses and I decided not to. Although I do think it is important for everyone to know that I have many interesting infomation! So many! Infomation, for those of you who are not familiar, is the fomation of info. It is true that I might be wise. I might not be, though. I like such people too — you know, the ones who have so many interesting information and might be wise. Those are the best kinds of people. I won’t top writing, but if I did, what could I top it with? Playing an instrument, maybe? I always did want to learn how to play the piano… For now, though, my writing will not be topped!

Spin Update
Yesterday morning, upon my physical therapist’s insistence, I took a spin class. PT told me she doesn’t know what to do with me until I test it out and see how I do. I had been seeing her for over a month now and have shown considerable improvement. (Read her letter to my doctor here). So yesterday was the day.

I went to spin with Missy and her sister at New York Sports Club at 7:00 AM. I selected a bike in the front of the room so I could watch my knee in the mirror. Missy and her sister remained in the back. I really enjoyed explaining to her sister that I had to be in the front because I have valgus. I said that! As if she would even know what that was. I felt really cool and medical and smart and sporty saying, “I need to be in the front to watch my knees because I have valgus.” I USED VALGUS IN A SENTENCE!!!

 Class started and I immediately pushed my left knee outwards. It felt like a lot of work but the mirror showed me it looked forwards. It just FEELS outwards to me because that is not the natural way my bone structure lies. A couple of times, I let my knee go normally to see the difference. It was bent SO FAR inwards — no wonder I had problems. Imagine spinning like that multiple times a week for months!

My right knee was facing forwards just fine. I actually remember noticing this one during my spin days. I remember seeing my leg twisting in and looking around to everyone else’s facing forward. I thought there must be something wrong with the way my spin shoe was set up, that it was locking in to the pedal at an incorrect angle. Now I realize that the problem is me!

I used to spin 3 to 5 times a week. It had gotten to the point where while it was a great, drenching workout, it just wasn’t that hard. Well, after not spinning for about 2 months I was shocked by just how DIFFCULT spinning was for me! Within the first 10 minutes my heart rate had jumped to 195. My entire chest was red from exertion and I felt my lungs laboring. The class itself wasn’t any harder — in fact, it was most certainly easier — than the classes I took at my gym. My heart rate stayed in the 190s and 180s the entire class. My max HR was 197, average 181. I burned 470 calories. I was simply out of spin shape!

I didn’t even realize that spinning so much lessened the challenge of the workout. I made a decision that when (if?) I go back to spinning I will only do it once a week so I can get a real challenge and attain the most benefits.

Anyway, back to my knee. While in the sitting position, I was able to keep it stabile and facing forward. Standing in second position wasn’t so simple. I found that even with my greatest effort, my knee still seemed a bit wobbly. It was much better than when I used to let it bend inwards, but it wasn’t as straightforward as I would have liked. Third position was a bit easier since I was supporting my upper body more. Toward the end of the class I found that holding my upper thigh out and tightening the muscles there helped my knee stay in a constant stabile position.

When class ended, I was thrilled to have finally spun again — and thrilled that I felt NO knee pain during the entire class. I did feel shoulder pain, but that is for anothet entry. I was excited to tell my PT, and while I decided that I will not rejoin my gym (too expensive) I would begin taking a spin class every now and then at friends’ gyms.

And then the knee pain started.

A few hours after getting to work, I was sitting down chatting with a coworker when I felt an intense pain in my knee; in the same spot that always bothered me during spin. I figured it was nothing, a fluke and dismissed it. But then I had to get up and walk. And I couldn’t move my knee. I couldn’t straighten it. I couldn’t bend it. My knee was caught in the exact position it was in when I was sitting. I assume the “catching” occurred at the time I felt the sharp pain.

I got up and hobbled my way back to my desk. After a few minutes my knee was no longer caught — but now the pain was constant. After about 20 minutes the pain seemed to have dissipated. I was on the phone with the boy and he thought the knee catching might indicate a more serious problem. He asked me to bend and straighten my knee. I did this and it HURT. At one point it also caught again. I stopped doing this.

Throughout the rest of the day, the knee pain was there. It wasn’t constant, but it was often. It hurt most when I walked. I didn’t feel it while sitting. Later in the evening, the boy and I were walking to the Boat Basin for dinner (YUM) and my knee was killing me.

I think that I was not ready to spin. Which also means I am not ready to run. PT had told me that if I can walk without pain (which I can), then I can run without pain. But maybe I need more time to recover, more strengthening, more stretching. I have an appointment with her tonight and I look forward to hearing what she says. I also have an appointment with my orthopedist on Thursday, so I will see what he says as well.

I was doing my absolute best during spin. I didn’t take my eyes off my knee once during the entire 45 minutes. If I still feel pain, then perhaps my problems are bigger than we realized. I guess we will see… in the meantime, I can still do Core Fusion and honestly? I am liking it much better than spin now anyway.

Drivers License Photo
And lastly…. yesterday I wrote about why I love my drivers license picture. Here is a refresher in case you didn’t read it yesterday:

I never changed my license address when I moved to Manhattan. Three and a half years ago. But I have a good reason!

I, uh… love my drivers license picture. And I was worried that if I changed the address they would make me change the picture, as I somehow entered a loophole in the picture changing timeline. I didn’t want them to realize that I haven’t taken a new picture since I was 16. I am 26 now. But I love that picture! If it were up to me, I’d have this license picture forever.

Like I said, I was 16. I was slightly ghetto-fab, being from Queens and all, so I had the two front pieces of hair framing my face while the rest of my hair was half-up. (Remember half-up!) I had also applied generous amounts of fake tan the night before — in preparation for this photographic opportunity. I was also rocking perfectly applied eyeliner. Because of (despite?) all this, my picture turned out beautiful! I loved it, I love when I have to show it to people, I love the compliments I get for it!

And here you have it… my drivers license! (My middle name is Heather, I don’t know how it got on there!) Also, note how I dotted the i in Dori with a star. And I am actually 5’5, NOT 5’4. My mom is 5’4 so I always assumed I was the same height as her, so that is what I wrote. I used to also assume I had the same shoe size as my mom and spent a few years buying size 7 when in fact I am a 6 or 6.5. Oops.

DL-002    DL-001

Not enough food here! Plus a popchip surprise and doormat news

On Friday, I was surprised when the mail person handed me a package. I didn’t remember ordering anything. Then I looked at the return address and it said popchips!

There were instructions to “pop open” the box:

popchips-018

But first, I had to learn the “snackers credo”:

popchips-016

After that, I was ready to “get popped!”

popchips-015

I finally opened the box and here is what I found:

popchips-017

The amazing people over at popchips thought they’d just “pop” in and say happy snacking! Happy snacking, indeed. I received four bags of popchips – Original, Barbecue, Sea Salt & Vinegar and Salt & Pepper. They also gave me a popchips bag clip, which I needed! And a wonderful card that I put up at my desk that say “yours for the snacking” — plus a coupon book full of coupons for free chips and discounted chips entitled “love. without the handles.” By the way — I have been seeing these slogans in ads for popchips on phone booths all over New York City!

A BIG thank you to my friends at popchips. You know how I love your snackies.

Speaking of free things, I thought you’d like to see a picture of my new doormat at the scene of the crime:

popchips-020

But I am being smart this time. I am not leaving it out there to get taken again! I moved the doormat to right inside my apartment. Above it on the left you can see our vandalized sign! And directly above it on the door, my Baby-Sitters Club stationary!

popchips-022

Thank you again to Coco Mats ‘N More! And guess what? When I was at my mom’s on Sunday, I noticed that she has had the same doormat for many years. It is old and yucky — so I will be using my Coco Mats ‘N More discount code to order her a new one! I just need her to tell me which one she wants. You hear that, Mommy???

Foodbuzz
Foodbuzz is a food related social networking site. The site is not very user friendly. It is practically impossible to do a search for someone you know is on there and actually FIND them. I get all these “messages” that I’m not sure how I got. Being as my blog is often food related, I thought it would be a good community to join. They have a Featured Publisher Program that many of the blogs I read are a part of.

I have been applying to the Foodbuzz Featured Publisher program for awhile now. I kept getting rejected while I was seeing all these people who started brand new blogs with only one entry being accepted. I couldn’t understand it. I write about food all the time, be it restaurant and product reviews, nutritionist recommendations and cooking breakfasts for the boy and I. Additionally, I write often about new products I discovered that might be okay for someone with belly problems, such as that 0g of fiber gluten free pancake mix and the discovery of spelt flour!

I came to the conclusion that Foodbuzz clearly hates me.

So I decided to send them an email and see what the deal is. Their response? I don’t write about food enough. They said to let them know if I decide to change the focus of my blog. The problem is, I already did that! In fact, since that post in January, I have written 44 entries about food! Before that post, I had written 18. I did a little audit and it turns out that the only entries since I announced my new blog focus that aren’t about food are the ones about the doormat (it was funny, so shoot me!) and exercise classes. The way Foodbuzz sees it, these entries dilute my food content.

In other words, right now I write about 4 entries a week. Let’s say for argument purposes that 3 of the 4 entries are about food. That means that in a month, I will have written 12 entries about food, 16 entries total. That means 75% of my entries that month were about food.

Now let’s say there is someone else with a blog who writes one entry a week. It is about food. Over the month, this person has 4 entries about food. The same month that I have 12 entries about food. But this person gets to be considered a “Featured Publisher” and go to food events in their area because their percentage about food is higher. I, on the other hand, am not permitted to attend these events despite more food content.

I think it is a little unfair that I write about food often but am not able to be a part of this program because my content is “diluted.” I know I sound bitter but that is not exactly what it is — a better phrase would be that I am put off. Particularly when I took it upon myself to see what percentage of my own entries are about food and the percentage of a blog I read that is in the program.

The results:

Since January 9, 2009 (the day I announced my blog becoming more about food), 70% of my entries have been about food. The blog I tallied (I will not name names as I don’t want to start any controversy) had just 58% of their entries about food. Yet they were accepted into the program and I was not.

So let’s say I allow them their diluted claim. Okay, fine, my blog is diluted — and therefore, not about food after all. Then what is their argument about this other blog (and there are more like it, believe me) that had even LESS a food percentage than I do? This blog also focused heavily on exercise and other non-food related topics. That blog is diluted as well.

I know the answer to this. This blog was accepted into the program BEFORE they started posting “diluted” content.

Foodbuzz needs to evaluate the way they accept bloggers to be Featured Publishers. I am fine not being one — really! I understand that I write about other topics than food. But let’s be fair here. If the rule applies to me, shouldn’t it apply to all?

I am curious about their formula. And about their marketing strategy. Companies such as popchips, Chobani, Oikos, Fullbar, Ferrero and PETA have sent me food or food-related products. Not that I have a masters in Corporate Communication or anything — oh wait, I do — but I would think that these are companies and products that Foodbuzz would like to associate themselves with. I need to add that I never email companies asking for samples. It’s not how I roll. Any products I receive happen because the companies read my blog and feel it is relevant to their product. These companies obviously think my blog adds some value in this little world of ours. Not to mention the fact that I get an increasingly large amount of visits per day and many people get to my blog by typing FOOD RELATED TERMS into search engines. But what do I know?

So tonight I will not be in attendance at an event with my friends that I would love to go to. (Note – they had told my friend she couldn’t bring me as a guest because it was only for Featured Publishers, but we found out other people were able to bring guests. Gotta love their “policies.”) I would love to try the food, since I generally love all food. And I would be thrilled to write all about it tomorrow. But then, of course, is the risk that the following day I will write about stupid eksusize again. And my thoughtful, contemplative, delicious entry about the Foodbuzz event will be drowned and lost forever in a sea of other not semi-related content.

And as my tagline reads, this blog is “Eksusizing, Eating & All Else In Between-Ing.”

Anyway, sorry for that rant and I don’t mean to sound angry. Foodbuzz’s logic just irks me a little.

Coming up: Kinespirit gyrokinesis review, PETA’s Vegan College Cookbook review (I do this to remind myself, really)

And guess what! I won Melanie’s Holey Donuts giveaway! I miiiiiiiiiiight have stacked the odds in my favor by earning myself 7 entries — one which includes posting a guest blog while she is in the Dominican Republic and now that means more work for me since I can barely get my own blogs up but it’s worth it because Holey Donuts are THAT good, and guilt free! Compare the nutritional information of Holey Donuts vs other brands here — and I will be writing an official review when I receive them! Thanks, Melanie!

1 … 9 10 11 12 13 … 33