Yesterday I arrived home from work to find that, once again, I was the victim of doormat theft.

Not long after Lim and I moved to our apartment in the city, we came home to find that our doomat was gone. We couldn’t believe it — who would STEAL a dirty doormat?! That thing had been through some gross weather. It was not clean. It was not even a very nice doormat. What would someone want with it?

We decided to call our landlord company. Silly, yes. But we were outraged!

They told us that we have no cause for complaint, and we are not allowed to have doormats anyway because of a fire hazard. Um. What? Illegal to wipe your feet to prevent dirt and mud from getting into the apartment? Whatever. Not important — although it raises the suspicion that it was perhaps an inside job.

We decided to turn this into a building-wide matter. We made a sign and posted it in the hallway.

  

 

Obviously, this was facetious. No one would take it seriously. Right? Wrong.

The next day, IT WAS VANDALIZED! I forgot to take a picture of the vandalized version, but I will try to remember tonight and post it in an upcoming post.

Someone wrote on it: “You gotta be kidding.” Well, duh. Do you actually think we were offering a REWARD for a $10 doormat? It wasn’t clear to you that this was a joke? And you actually saw our sign, stopped by our door, took out a PEN, and WROTE on it? You cared that much about what we thought was an obvious joke? Not obvious to you, it seems. Wow.

Yeah, I gotta take that pic for here. I knew I had the above pictures but I didn’t even think about the vandalized one. I am so used to it. We keep the sign inside our apartment now.

Anyway.

When my brother moved to Seattle, I bought him a little going away gift. I saw this in a store and LOVED it, since his name is Matt.

How great is that! So I bought it for him and he loved it. He proudly displayed it outside his apartment door. And then one day, it was gone.

SOMEONE STOLE MATT MATT’S MAT!

In this case, it makes a LITTLE more sense than in mine. This is a funny doormat. It has a name. Mat. Clever. My doormat was blue with flowers. Makes a little less sense. But still — who does this??! WTF?!

So I ordered another one online and had it sent to my baby brother. His new apartment is at the end of his own narrow hallway, where the doormat can remain unharmed and present.

Which brings me to the third case. Last night I came home from work to find ….. dun dun dun…. my doormat MISSING. Again. This one was hideous. Brown with fall leaves. WHY? WHY WHY WHY? Why would anyone take it? And this one has lasted through a couple of winters, much more mud, dirt and rain than the last one. What on earth would anyone want with it?

I should put out my (vandalized) sign again.

And what makes this all even funnier is that since my name is Dori and my brother’s name is Matt, my mom always said she wanted to open a doormat store and call it DorMatt. I think the fact that we have both been victims of doormat theft is a sign she should do it! This way, we will have access to an unlimited supply of doormats.

In better news, Jen at PriorFatGirl is giving away custom made granola. Check it out. Also, this weekend the boy and I are taking Core Fusion Sport at Exhale. It was voted Best Guy-Friendly Gym Class at New York Magazine. Here is the class description:

Core Fusion® Sport is a total body workout that is designed to help you improve your performance in sports while reducing your risk of sports related injuries. Using a combination of lateral and twisting movements, this barreless one-hour class will chisel and firm your arms, shoulders, legs and butt while focusing on your core – the center of your strength – plus increase your aerobic capacity.

Very excited! Will review next week.

And finally, my last BIG NEWS of the day — I just signed up to run a 5K! I never did this before! It is the 2009 Wall Street Run and Heart Walk.

The Start! Wall Street Run & Heart Walk is a 5K (3.1 mile) competitive run and non-competitive walk to raise awareness and funds to support the American Heart Association’s mission to build healthier lives free of cardiovascular diseases and stroke – the nation’s No. 1 and No. 3 killers

I registered through my company. It starts and ends where I work. I signed up last year to do the walk but it was a gross rainy day, so I sat out. This year, I plan to run. Please sign up if you want to join!

• 24 comments