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Archive of ‘Funny’ category

Turn Up My Workout Review + I Love Explicit Music

I love my running music, as evidenced by my Running Songs section on the blog and my detailed race recaps by song. As much as I love my music, I have one little problem – finding NEW music for when I need a change. I don’t listen to the radio and I don’t usually know all the songs everyone discusses on the Twitters. I also don’t go out to bars as much as a single (yes) lady probably should to hear new music. But when you have to wake up early to run 7 miles, the idea of getting drunk and making poor decisions loses its appeal.

So I was excited when Adam from Turn Up My Workout contacted me and asked if I’d like to try out his service. Um, YES.

Turn Up My Workout is simple. You subscribe to the service and then you can select what type of music you like: Hip Hop, Country, Pop or a mix. Then you select your intensity level from Low, Medium or High. And then you get a list of workout songs that will motivate you and that you’ll enjoy! Easy as that.

Adam started this service after losing a lot of weight (over 100 pounds!). What was his most constant motivator to exercise? Amazing workout music. The music pushed and inspired Adam and he hopes a great playlist will do the same for you. As a former DJ and music director, and self proclaimed “freak when it comes to discovering new music,” it makes sense to trust Adam with your workout songs!

For my playlist from Turn Up My Workout, I selected pop music at a high intensity.

I got an email with a list of music. I had a few of the songs already, and some of them I already knew I didn’t like, and I downloaded the rest from iTunes. The list had so many songs that it’s OK if you don’t want to get them all. There is enough on there to pick and choose. The songs are divided into categories; Warm Up, Workout and Turn it Up (for an extra boost.)

I used the playlist thrice. I didn’t finish it during the first run, so the second run was like a whole new playlist. And the third time was just fun. My verdict? I loved it. First of all, it was so refreshing to hear a different set of songs. Second, the songs were fun and fast, just like I wanted! I felt like dancing during my run, and it was great to get to know new music. I’ll be able to listen over and over until I know all the words and can have even more fun with it (the way I am with my current playlists). And then, if I get bored it, I can just get my next month’s playlist from Turn Up My Workout.

Even better, I can pick my favorite songs and incorporate them into new playlists with my old favorites that I’ve been using forever, to make the ULTIMATE PLAYLIST. Turn Up My Workout is really a fantastic way to find new workout music that you might not otherwise find on your own. Some of the songs I’d heard before and really liked, but could never download them because I didn’t know their names. This is a great service for situations like those, too.

I’m not going to show you my playlist because, well, that would defeat the purpose of you trying it out for yourself! But I will say this: thanks to Turn Up My Workout, I found my new favorite running song. Favorite to the point that during my long run on Sunday, I had it on my playlist three different times!

What song, you wonder?

“Whatever You Like” by T.I.

OMG I LOVE THIS SONG. Okay, so something you all need to know about me. I like to listen to really explicit, vulgar songs when I am running. I like to learn all the words to said dirty songs and sing them in my head (or even out loud if no one is around). Vulgar lyrics make me happy.

So when I was looking through Adam’s list on iTunes, I was really happy to see that “EXPLICIT” box next to some of the songs. I had never heard Whatever You Like before (I told you I don’t know new music!) and I can’t get over how in love I am. It really pumps me up to go on a run – especially now knowing I’ve got it 3 times on my playlist. I am even more excited for my half marathon now that I have this song because I plan to include it at least 3 or 4 times throughout the race. What a GREAT song.

That said – does anyone have any suggestions for me for really vulgar, dirty, explicit running music?

It *DOES* need to have a good beat, it can’t just be shouting gross words. This is part of the reason I love Girl Talk by the way – download Girl Talk if you haven’t yet. So please tell me your vulgar workout music — I’d love to hear your suggestions!

Anyway, back to the review. So a subscription costs $7.97 a month and the first month is free. Very worth it for those of you like me who are stupid when it comes to new music. Some questions you might have for me:

Would you subscribe to Turn Up My Workout?

Yes.

Are you going to subscribe to Turn Up My Workout?

No.

Why not? You just said you would, so why aren’t you?

My health insurance premium was  just raised to $700 a month. I have placed myself on a $447 billion spending freeze.

But if you have  the extra $7.97 a month (as I did prior to my massive premium hike) then I’d say it is definitely a great deal. Also. You might be like me and take your favorite song on the playlist and type it in to iTunes or Grooveshark and find out there are OTHER VERSIONS of it.

Um ok so first of all, please listen to the Weird Al version of Whatever You Like. I don’t usually like him much but this version is HILARIOUS. Really, really hilarious. Every line makes me smile or laugh out loud. And then listen to the “Raw session” by Rome. AWESOME for those of you like me who listen to music such as the Counting Crows. A really cool version. Love them both. Still laughing at Weird Al. And still LOVING the original. You can listen to them all for free on Grooveshark or buy them on iTunes.

Adam and I had a lot of fun this afternoon on the Twitters with our new discoveries.

*Baby I can give you everything you please, even share my government cheese and you can have as much as you like.*

OK so get to it, kids. Check out Turn Up My Workout and comment with your suggestions for vulgar, explicit workout music!

Wanna See My Writing Homework?

Hi kids and friends.

Yes, I made a list of things to post about the other day, but today I am going to post about none of those things. That is because I am not motivated to create new content. I am riding this bad blogger streak out as long as I can. Although I will be posting my 10K race recap (race is Sunday!) because I tested out my playlist today and I think I am in love.

I told you all how I signed up for a Humor Writing class at the Gotham Writers Workshop back in September. I took a free one hour course through them in Memoir Writing and loved it. When it came time to sign up for class, however, I had a hard time deciding between Memoir and Humor writing classes. In the end I opted for Humor because I read the instructor’s book, absolutely loved it and hoped to make her my best friend. I also figured that the lessons I learn in Humor would carry over into the memoir sector.

This proved to be true, as the class is modeled on humorous memoirs, such as anything by David Sedaris.  While I do realize in retrospect that Memoir might have been a better option for me based on my needs and the fact that I am hideously awful at constructing clever similes (a key aspect in humor writing), this class has challenged me and forced me to be a better writer. I learned the rules of the funny, and while I don’t plan to write a humorous memoir, I do plan to pepper my more somber future memoir with humor to make it more appealing, relatable, readable and overall better. Since my memoir would certainly be about my illness and possible upcoming surgery — a surgery that is very rare for a 26 year old in otherwise perfect health to get — it would certainly need some moments of funny in there.

I do plan to take the Memoir class at Gotham; just not next semester. After 8 weeks (out of 10) of 3 hour classes taking up my entire Wednesday night, I am ready for a break. I already use one night a week for a GI appointment, so it is hard for me to find time to see friends, work out, blog and relax. I’d like my time back for now, and maybe I’ll sign up for the Memoir class the next time around.

In my Humor class, I had to write two longer pieces that get critiqued by the class as well as shorter one page homework assignments. While I am not comfortable sharing my previous longer piece, I do hope to share my next one that is due next week! I will, however, share with you my most recent homework assignment. The assignment was different than most; usually our assignments are exercises in writing that remind me or writing like David Sedaris. This assignment, on the other hand, was to write a sales pitch for a product I invented. The more absurd the product, the better.

Because I have very few funny ideas of my own (at least none that can be leveraged for this particular course) I turned to my friends. I often turn to my friends for my homework, asking them for examples on funny sounding diseases or any type of simile. This time, my friend Dr. McGriddle (we love IHOP, I used to love Grey’s) came through and helped me with the idea and supporting elements. Thank you, Doctor.

For this particular homework, I volunteered to read it out loud to the class because (a) I was proud of it and (b) it meant I would not be called on to read my in class writing assignment, which tends to be beyond awful. When you read something out loud, the instructor critiques it on the spot. Some critiques I received was that the first paragraph is very strong, but the rest doesn’t fit with it; it is a one note joke and the tone got old very fast; I could have found a better flavor for one of my examples.

Please keep in mind this is very different from the writing I usually to do for this class, which tends to be humorous memoir type stories. Also, I struggle to make the most of the humor writing rules. Being funny is hard work. I have a hardcore newfound respect for these writers. Consider that next time you pick up Augusten Burroughs.

Behold, my writing class homework. My sales pitch.

Twinkie No-Crush

Misfortune can happen to anyone. Loved ones pass away, high school students drink and drive, Duane Reade sells out of the only brand of vaginal itch cream that really gets the job done. You can’t always control what happens to you. But now, there is one thing you can control: Twinkies.

You know how it is; you grab your Twinkies on your way out the door and shove them in your purse, back pocket or suitcase. After lunch, you pull your Twinkie out only to find that it is as smushed as the face of your neighbor’s whiny new pug.

A perfectly good Twinkie – a food with a shelf life of 30 years, a food that can survive a nuclear attack – ruined! Don’t you just hate when that happens?

Luckily for you, I’ve got the solution to your very problem: The Twinkie No-Crush! The Twinkie No-Crush is a crushproof container made from grade A, organic, shatter proof glass and fits perfectly around a Twinkie of any flavor – original, banana crème, even deep fried for special occasions.

The Twinkie No-Crush is easy to use and will keep your Twinkie safe. Once you securely close your Twinkie in the Twinkie No-Crush airtight glass container, a microscopic deadbolt snaps into place, activating a state of the art motion stabilizer that prevents your Twinkie from deflection and deviation. The built in refrigerative dehumidifier will protect your Twinkie from deadly toxins, mold and clothes moths.

And there’s more! The Twinkie No-Crush will extend the life of your Twinkie from 30 years to a whopping 120 years! Just think – you can save a Twinkie today and your great, great, great, GREAT grandchild can eat the very same Twinkie. How spectacular!

Order today and we’ll throw in the LoJack Security System for Stolen Twinkie Recovery, normally an $89.99 Twinkie No-Crush upgrade, absolutely free! This LoJack upgrade includes Police Tracking Computers in law enforcement vehicles, helicopters and fixed-wing aircraft for optimal tracking and recovery of stolen twinkies. You don’t want to miss out on this essential addition to your Twinkie No-Crush!

Don’t be fooled by imposters! Not only is the Twinkie No-Crush the only FDA approved Twinkie enclosure, it is also the only one made of glass. You don’t want one of those light yet ridiculous plastic containers – they’re bad for the environment. P.U.! Do something good for mother Earth; do something good for yourself; do something good for your Twinkies. For just 15 easy payments of $21.99, the Twinkie No-Crush can be yours. The price might seem steep to you now, but just consider the hundreds – even thousands – of dollars you’ll be saving on crushed, stolen or stale Twinkies. Don’t delay; order your Twinkie No-Crush today!

Have you ever taken a class for fun? What did you think of it? And, what do you think of my homework?

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