How does that saying go? The one about making the same mistakes over and over again?
Over the last few months, I beat myself up relentlessly over my hip injury (Part 1 and Part 2). I constantly blame myself. I felt the first twinge of pain during a Core Fusion class. When I went back to class, I felt the pain during the same section, the gluteal part of class. And still, I went back. I didn’t want to give up the workout that transformed my body and my mind; the workout that truly changed my life.
And, to be totally honest, I didn’t want to lose the muscles and strength I worked so hard to achieve for an entire year.
That decision turned out to be incredibly stupid. What started as a minor ache that hurt only during class, what was likely a nothing injury that would have been easy to resolve with some ice and rest, became a torn labrum that put me out of commission for months. The injury cost me two thousand dollars in medical bills (and that is on TOP of my monthly health insurance premium). The injury derailed me from running, caused me to drop out of my spring half marathon that I already registered for and caused me to question whether I would be able to run the ING NYC Marathon that I spent a year – and a bit of money – qualifying for.
I berated myself for months. “Why did you keep exercising even though you knew something was wrong? Why didn’t you rest? Why couldn’t you think about the long term, your marathon, your general ability to work out? Why didn’t you find a different exercise that doesn’t actively hurt your hip? Why did you ignore the pain and keep doing the same movements over and over again? Why are you such an idiot?â€
I’m such a bitch to me! I don’t recommend being your own worst enemy. It is not very nice. Eventually I eased up on myself. Let this be a learning experience, I told myself. At least it happened before marathon training and not during. It could have been worse. I will never make the same mistake again.
You would think that learning from such a mistake would be easy.
The other morning I was working out at my beloved Refine and as I hopped to my left foot for a little side-jump, I felt my left knee pop (my hip injury is on my right side, for those of you wanting to make connections). The pop felt like an intense burst of pain in the front of my kneecap that left me in shock for a second. It then turned to a dull ache for the rest of class, which luckily was only about a minute long because it happened at the very end.
By the time I got to work the pain had all but disappeared. This pop had happened once before, a couple of months ago, and I went completely back to normal after, so I thought little of this.
The next day I was in Core Fusion Cardio, and during the warm-up we stand with our legs parallel and slightly bend our knees. During that tiny bend, the pain started again.
Nooooooooooo. No no no no no. No.
My knee continued to hurt during class, specifically during the times my left knee needed to bend. Bending knee = pain. A symptom. I took it very easy on my left side, barely participating in these bendy moves. On my walk home, I realized it would probably not be the best idea to run the Celebrate Israel Run in Central Park that I had signed up for the very next day. Sorry, Jews.
I was bummed because this was going to be my first race post-hip injury. I was so excited to be back in the running and racing game! I decided to ice my knee and see how I felt later on before making any definite decisions, but I had a feeling the race would not happen. And I was fine with that. As long as I can run again by the start of marathon training in July, I will be (mentally) fine. I don’t need to run much before then, especially if rest will heal me.
That night, my knee was still bothering me and I turned off my alarm to wake up for the race. I felt happy with my decision, and proud of myself for being a grown-up and not insisting on running the race anyway. Yes, I hate wasting money, but of course my health is more important and well worth the $18 entry fee.
However . . . I had signed up to try the brand new Barry’s Bootcamp class later that day. And here is where things got tricky.
I mean, look at these pretty people.
[Source: Well and Good NYC]
Barry’s Bootcamp is popular in Los Angeles, and this was their opening weekend in New York. Lots of people I know from blogging were attending this weekend. I was excited to try this new class, which has been named “The Best Celebrity Workout” by some magazines, like Allure. Kim Kardashian does it!
But I wondered about my knee. Should I go to class and just take it easy? Would it become impossible to modify for both my hip and my knee? I decided I could probably do it. I figured there would be moves like jump-backs, which I could just modify to step-backs instead of jumps.
Then I remembered reading something about the class. I remembered that strength moves are combined with intervals on the treadmill. Even if I could modify the strength sections (although really the idea of squats seemed impossible too…) there was no way to modify pounding my knees on a treadmill.
I wasn’t sure how much my knee was actually hurting, so I decided to get dressed and head down to Chelsea for the class. If it got too much, I could stop. Really, I just wanted to be there because this is the first weekend it came out and I REALLY wanted to write about it for NBC New York GO Healthy NYC as soon as possible. This class seemed like a big deal and I wanted to be on top of it! It’s for my career, right? Going to class is actually going to my job, I told myself. All in a day’s work.
I walked a few blocks to the subway. I felt a slight twinge in my knee. I got to the subway station and as I started heading down the steps, the pressure in my knee tripled. Walking down steps = pain. Another symptom. So now I had two symptoms: bending and down stairs.
The stairs of pain.
There was no way I could safely run on a treadmill or squat or do any number of exercises in Barry’s Bootcamp. I knew that by going to class and doing these things, working through this pain, would potentially turn what is right now a minor injury into a more serious one. And with marathon training starting in just one month, that is not a risk I should take.
I wish it was that simple. I wish I could say I turned around and walked back without a second thought. I have lots of classes I can write about for NBC New York; it’s not like I needed something right away. I could take Barry’s Bootcamp at any time and write about it later – it’s not going anywhere. Sure, it would be nice to write a review a hot new class the week it comes out, but so what if I don’t? Just because everyone is talking about it doesn’t mean I have to be in on that.
While writing this column is an incredible side opportunity that keeps me in practice and can hopefully lead to the career I want, missing one new workout the weekend it comes out will hardly make or break me. And missing one day of working out won’t make a difference in my body. Not to mention the fact that I am always quick to advise everyone else to rest of they get hurt. How hypocritical of me. Yet I am so adamant to others on the importance of taking it easy, but I have a next to impossible time taking my own advice.
So I turned around and walked back up the subway station stairs. I knew I did the right thing. I learned from my mistake with my hip. Even though I almost went to class anyway – which I realize would have been so, so stupid – I did the smart thing.
I did not work so hard for these last few months and take off so much time from running and Core Fusion to overcome this hip injury just to be derailed by a knee injury! Now is the time I can take care of myself. It had only hurt for a couple of days at this point. This is the time to ice my knee, rest, avoid the things that hurt and get better. Now is the time to take a break from running. Going to that class and running, squatting, jumping would have been doing the exact same thing I beat myself up over doing to cause my hip injury.
I know this. Intellectually, I get it. But being smart is hard.
Still need proof that being smart is hard? Here:
As I headed back home, I thought “Hey Dor! This is the perfect time to check out the Yo Yoga schedule and see if there is a nice rooftop class to take later. That won’t be too hard on your knee.â€
Yes, I still thought this, even after deciding to take it easy. I figured I could still work out, and yoga would be easier on my knee, maybe even therapeutic.
And then, luckily, I came to my senses. What I needed was a TOTAL rest. Yoga involves knee bending! Yoga would NOT be the rest day I so desperately needed. And finally, finally – I was smart. For real.
And here I am in my backyard on gorgeous day, not exercising, but writing (which, I might add, is also considered work). Writing about not being dumb. Again. Even thought I almost was.
23 comments on On Not Being Dumb (Again)
1Pingbacks & Trackbacks on On Not Being Dumb (Again)
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[…] up on Monday feeling a LOT less pain. It still hurt, but I felt much more hopeful about my future. I made the (hard) smart decision to cancel the Core Fusion Cardio class I had spent all week looking forward to. The dramatic […]
DD
June 7, 2011 at 8:06 am (14 years ago)Good for you Dori! I have the same problem of knowing when to take it easy and not beating myself up over it or talking myself out of it. I’d be the first person to tell someone to listen to their body and lighten up or take a day, or a week, or whatever amount of time off your body needs to heal, and I’ve been known in many instances not to heed that advice. It’s not always easy to practice what you preach. Thanks for setting a good example for us all.
melissa
June 7, 2011 at 8:28 am (14 years ago)Hey Dori,
I am sorry to hear you are struggling with an injury. But I appreciate the post, I too beat myself up about too many things instead of learning from them. I know you will be fine to train in July. I didn’t start training for NYC until late July in 2009!
marie
June 7, 2011 at 8:50 am (14 years ago)I think its even harder to make those decisions coming out of a previous injury, because you tell yourself its not like that THIS time, and maybe I’m just being paranoid, and blah blah blah… It sounds like you’re doing the right thing, but I know its tough!
Hannah
June 7, 2011 at 9:02 am (14 years ago)Being smart is hard! i am the queen of injuries, I think, and every time it was from me being stupid, but also, I think my body is generally susceptible to them. How was the core fusion bootcamp class for your knee?
For me, I have to probe deeper when I’m trying to figure out why all these injuries happened. The only answer that makes the most sense, albeit a difficult one, is that I am/was afraid of losing the “perfect” body that I was trying so hard to attain. Exercise, as part of my ED, became my only identity. I wonder if you ever feel that way?
Dori
June 7, 2011 at 9:17 am (14 years ago)Absolutely. That’s why I ignored my hip pain for so long.
Jolene
June 7, 2011 at 9:09 am (14 years ago)Aww. I completely know the feeling…being able to advise it but not being able to take your own advice when it comes to recovering from an injury. IT’s also hard ‘coming clean’ about it because it makes it that much more real…but you are owning up to it and you know you need to recover. That’s the difference this time. So I hope you don’t beat yourself up TOO much and hopefully your recovery is quick. Hang in there!
Jess
June 7, 2011 at 10:19 am (14 years ago)Man. I am so sorry you are going through this – but you are right, you are being smart about it, even if you REALLY didn’t want to. I know how that feels. It’s so hard to listen to your body sometimes, REALLY hard. Hang in there. xoxo
Manon
June 7, 2011 at 10:52 am (14 years ago)Ugh. I’m sooooooo the same way when it comes to injuries, boys, you name it. I can tell everyone else what to do, but me? I’m an idiot. The idiot gimping around 4 months and $5,000 later (on top of premiums)with an ankle full of metal because I went for a run on sidewalks with ice patches. You know, EXACTLY what I would tell my friends NOT TO DO. Here’s hoping for a quick recovery for you!
Grace @ Balancing Me
June 7, 2011 at 10:59 am (14 years ago)You absolutely made the right decisions (all of them, not just one!). It’s very important to listen to our bodies, and I know it can be so easy to cave in, but you have to do what’s best in the long term.
By the way, I laughed out loud when I read “Sorry, Jews” above. You are hilarious.
Ali
June 7, 2011 at 11:02 am (14 years ago)I can SO relate to this post. Oh my gosh. I’m proud of you for going easy on yourself in the end. I know how hard it can be, but you’re smart. Don’t be a bitch to yourself 😉
Cameo
June 7, 2011 at 12:42 pm (14 years ago)Good on you, Dori! I am still trying to learn this lesson (on a slightly similar level) and it is so hard. When you love the way exercise feels, it’s hard to rationalize that NOT doing it can feel good too! And when you believe in the results, it’s so hard to see pass the immediacy of doing it NOW. I struggle with knowing when to say when.
Michelle
June 7, 2011 at 3:00 pm (14 years ago)Sorry to hear about your knee! great backyard pic 🙂
Eliz@The Sweet Life
June 7, 2011 at 3:28 pm (14 years ago)This is a beautiful and very mature, reflective post. Thanks for teaching us through your own learnings!
Gavi @ Gavi Gets Going!
June 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm (14 years ago)Thanks for writing this honest post. Two things you write about really hit home for me. The first is not wanting to take rest days. There are many reasons why I’m afraid of rest (I outline them in my post here: http://gavigetsgoing.wordpress.com/2011/04/11/my-journey-towards-health-why-im-afraid-of-rest/) but one of them is that I don’t want all of my hard work, muscle tone, and fitness to go away. That said, you also touch upon something that I struggle with: why can it sometimes be so challenging for us to be good to our bodies? In so many areas of my life, I am really good to myself–I eat well, I exercise regularly, I prioritize healthy and positive relationships, etc. And yet when pain starts–whether it’s a real injury or just overuse–my first thought is never to back off and let myself rest. As young people, I think it’s especially hard to remember to treat our bodies compassionately and gently; after all, they’re ours for the long haul! I wish you lots of rest and continued reflection in your journey towards full healing. Thanks for this great post!
Dori
June 9, 2011 at 9:57 am (14 years ago)Thanks, Gavi. I actually always take rest days, usually 2 a week. What I am afraid of is more along the lines of extended rest periods… days, weeks, etc. Thanks for your comment!
Amber
June 7, 2011 at 7:58 pm (14 years ago)I’m so sorry you are going through this with your knee now! You are totally doing the right thing by taking it easy, as hard as it may be. Proud of you for listening to your body!
Katherine
June 7, 2011 at 10:22 pm (14 years ago)I think I need to take a page out of your book and it’s helpful to read it from someone else! I’ve hurt a muscle in my hip/butt that I’m currently in Physical Therapy for. Even though the pain is terrible and keeps me up at night, I have trouble resting and healing. So that being said, I know how tough it can be to rest when you want to train/maintain/ and feel good from exercising! You make a good point, sometimes its best to think about the feature — thanks for the eye opener.
Sam @ Mom At The Barre
June 7, 2011 at 11:04 pm (14 years ago)I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s so frustrating when these things happen and you realize you have no control over your body anymore. I am glad you are taking it easy. That takes courage. I’ve stupidly run 3 races with a bad knee because I thought I was strong enough to handle it. My physical therapy continues….
NicolaYvette
June 8, 2011 at 5:57 pm (14 years ago)Dori, I warned you about that hip (hate to sound like our grandmothers but…). You need to rest! I promise you that is the only way it will heal. You can still stay strong (um like Pilates perhaps) but you need to sloooowwww it down. I want you in the game for a long time so please take care of yourself. Ugh, so sorry honey. Maybe you can still evaluate classes by watching them. Listen to the cuing and such. So so sorry, this sucks. Rest up.
Xo
Lauren Slayton
June 8, 2011 at 7:07 pm (14 years ago)Oh injuries aren’t fun. Don’t beat yourself up (doesn’t help). I have to say I hurt my hamstring in Core, I hear of lots of hip stuff. Why do we have to get hurt in order to get lean?
Sally
June 9, 2011 at 8:13 am (14 years ago)I used to do gymnastics (at the same gym as Kayleigh, actually) and after dealing with chronic injuries for years (at my club, if it wasn’t visibly broken, you were probably fine), I don’t mess around with them anymore. When I quit gymnastics I had a torn rotator cuff and a stress fracture in my shin, as well as a slew of other overuse injuries. Now I work out because I enjoy it, but if I’m in pain it’s not fun anymore. It’s not worth pushing through the pain only to end up with a more serious injury.
Jess @ Fit Chick in the City
June 9, 2011 at 10:45 pm (14 years ago)Sending you a big hug! Hopefully, you’ll listen to yourself from now on. I think we’ve all been guilty of doing this from time to time. I know I have and that’s why my injury is going to take more time to recover from than necessary.