Just a heads up, there is an exhale sale on RueLaLa today. They have some great deals, especially for first time Core Fusion and yoga guests.
My friend Jackie and I often send each other links to comics or websites that we both find funny. We pretty much have the same sense of humor. Today, Jackie sent me one of the greatest things I have seen in awhile. The website Alligator Sunglasses got ahold of a dating guide for single women from the year 1938.
As a 27-year-old single girl in 2010, these images and blurbs opened my eyes to what I have been doing wrong. Yes, I realize that many social norms and expectations have changed in the last 72 years, I think it is safe to say the same basic ideas apply. Let us examine. At the bottom of this post I will review my takeaways from this advice (THINGS I WILL NO LONGER DO ON DATES) as I really have learned a lot. Here we go:
*Note – All photos taken from Alligator Sunglasses
Men don’t like girls who borrow their handkerchief and smudge it with makeup.
They don’t??!
Don’t sit in awkward positions — and never look bored, even if you are.
This is how I was sitting when I read that:
Hi.
Careless women never appeal to gentlemen. Don’t talk while dancing, for when a man dances he wants to dance.
What does being careless have to do with talking while dancing? Also, I thought that when a man dances he wants to bang.
If you need a brassiere, wear one.
This one is outdated. The 2010 version would read,
“Whether or not you need a brassiere, wear a leopard one, and then tighten the straps as far as they go to ensure your breasts get pushed together and forced up so high that your cleavage almost reaches your neck, your brassiere shows above the top of your tiny dress and the straps dig in to your shoulders causing deep, painful ridges.”
We all know that.
Don’t be familiar with your date by caressing him in public.
Does making out at the bar count? Or groping? If that’s the case, I’ve been mistaking humiliation for . . . um, something else.
Men don’t like tears, especially in public places.
I am screwed.
Don’t be familiar with the headwaiter.
I love being familiar with headwaiters! Also, bartenders.
Drinking may make some girls seem clever, but most get silly.
Maybe some girls get silly, but I certainly get clever when I drink. The more I drink, the more cleverer I get. I’m drunk right now.
Don’t be conspicuous talking to other men.
I know this one makes sense in theory, but how can I inconspicuously tousle the hair of the dude at the next table? Is there any discreet way to do this?
The last straw is to pass out from too much liquor. Chances are your date will never call you again!
Story. Of. My. Life.
These examples really did open my eyes to what I’ve been doing wrong and provided me with a new direction in my dating life. My takeaway from the advice is as follows.
THINGS I WILL NO LONGER DO ON DATES:
- Borrow his handkerchief
- Grope him
- Cry
- Conspicuously hook up with guys at the next table and/or headwaiters (will only do this inconspicuously)
- Get wasted and pass out before we even get to my bedroom
Find more advice on dating in 1938 at Alligator Sunglasses. Check back with you all after my half marathon. Enjoy!
This is the funniest post ever. EVER. Your comments are hilarious and had me laughing the whole scroll down. Love it!
Oh Dori this made me laugh. I think I am clever when I drink too.
There goes my dating life…
cannot stop laughing! i will try really hard not to do any of these again… or maybe i’ll do all of them at once: get too drunk, grope him while dancing & flirt with the man next to me by showing him i’m not wearing a bra?
just a thought 😉
to think that you would even think a relationship had a chance after borrowing his handkerchief. And I actually think that “wear a bra” should be replaced with “stop wearing any form of underwear whatsoever and attempt to get as many people to take pictures of you falling out of cars.
These pictures are so funny…I think the modern day version of the handkerchief faux-pas would be “do not take his phone while he is in the shower and go through his contacts and text messages.”
And this girl is a sissy…who falls asleep when she has a full drink in her hand 🙂
I literally laughed out loud through this whole thing…I really loved the picture of how you were sitting when you were reading it. Hilarious!!
Nice! This cracked me up! I guess women really didn’t know how to behave back then. Who knew?
You left one very important thing off of your list of things to not do anymore. This was the last thing Mallory had to learn before I would marry her.
For when I dance, I want to dance. So be quiet!
I believe you mean, “So be quiet, bitch!”
HILARIOUS! Your commentary was so funny! =)
I love this! They do this on Jezebel with the old ads and it reminded me of that. I need to remember that when a man wants to dance, he wants to dance. I’m always talking their ears off when they’re just trying to cut a rug!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Best comment ever.
Shoot. I need to work on all of it or my man might leave me.
This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long, long time! There should also be a rule about not snorting while reading 1938 advice about dating–I would have broken that one, too.
Rock your half marathon! Can’t wait for the update.
Haha love it. Laughing at my desk. People think I am nuts.
Oh. My. God. Hilarious!! The next time I go on a date I’ll definitely make sure not to tug at my girdle. (I’m sorry, my head is almost permanently in the gutter, and that sounds SO DIRTY.)
And good luck with the half marathon!
I don’t know about you Diana, but when my date is especially hot I have a near impossible time NOT tugging at my girdle.
This is so funny! I love the first one. I’m checking out Ruelala now!
what?! sitting spread eagle and passing out in public is NOT hawt? Thank goodness I have a bf already or I’d be screwed. Fun fun fun blog post!
LOVE this post! Hilarious pics and your comments are witty. I just subscribed to http://alligator-sunglasses.com/ also.
That actually made me laugh out loud. That was just fantastic. I’m so tweeting about this. 😛
hahaha I LOVE this!
OMG..hilarious. I love the picture of the way you sit at your desk. I do that all the time. My parents used to yell at me at dinner when I was younger b/c I sat like that. I still kick off my heels, hike up my skirt and sit cross legged in my office. Old habits die hard!
Hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh.
amazing, I love you!
LOVE this post! I’m gonna go drink till I get silly right now.. 😀
GOOD LUCK TODAY!!! Can’t wait to see how your half went!
Haha, this is hilarious! Congrats on your half-marathon 🙂
haha love this post. Laughed out loud. I can’t wait for your Diva Race Recap!!
this is hilarious! such “go figure” moments and to top it off your position while reading. i get it now! haha 😀
I wonder if people really took/take these words as the be all to end all.
Love this, I wonder what kind of notes a guy takes after his girl passes out. Modern day it may be updating his facebook page.
I think what totally makes it are the photos– hilarious.
This CRACKED me up. I love finding blogs by other people who are single too!! Sometimes I feel like the whole [blog] world is married. YAY!
HAHAHAHAA! Oh Wow. First time visiting your blog and I’m definitely sticking around after reading this post. So needed a laugh this morning – thank you!
According to this book, I’d so be screwed if I were still single.
I’m pretty sure I’m clever when drinking. And silly, and a good dancer… “Also, I thought that when a man dances he wants to bang.” Hahaha, this was great!!
This was hysterical!!
Haha, this is too funny. Although I’m pretty sure drinking makes me more clever, pretty, interesting and even a better dancer 🙂 Its probably the handkerchief thing thats keeping me single….
Just now reading over this – love it 🙂
Det er også en ide å ikke bare gå for det billigste,
men få et inntrykk av om selgeren vet hva han selger og forstår sikkerhetsbehovet.
Mens mange mennesker forstår hva tyverialarmer er,
mye folk ikke forstår ulike der ute.