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Archive of ‘Personal’ category

On the road to recovery?

Of course, my hope is that one day in the not-too-distant future the doctors will finally figure out what is wrong with me so that I can:

1. Eat the foods I want
2. Not feel like death after eating
3. Not be so bloated that all clothes are uncomfortable, tight and painful
4. Attend social events where food will be available
5. Drink alcohol
6. Have energy
7. Get ANSWERS! A diagnosis. Something concrete so that even if I can no longer eat anything I want anymore, at least I know WHY and can see a nutritionist and try and figure out how to best work with the problem. But first, there needs to be a problem!

Among hundreds more reasons, really. I have been sick for a year and a half now, and I think we can all agree that enough is enough!

Yesterday I visited the doctor who does tests for the test that I *hope* and, even more importantly, believe will provide the answers I so desperately need. This test is called the SmartPill. Yesterday morning, I arrived at the doctor’s office and they ordered me a breakfast from Viand, which just happens to be a favorite diner of mine! They ordered (and I had no say in this) an egg white omelette with dry white toast. Yum!

So I ate the meal and then had to swallow one of these babies:

Yummy. And sexy. I was given a monitor to carry around with me. It can not get any further than 5 feet away from me the entire time (through next Wednesday). The doctor kept ensuring me it is no bigger than a BlackBerry. A BlackBerry from 1991, maybe:

SmartPill monitor

That thing is huge. And HEAVY. It comes with a cord to wear around my neck, but it is so heavy that during the day I often keep it next to me instead. The problem with that is that if I run to the fridge, to get tea, etc, I forget to bring it. Then I get worried that I am skewing the results and will never get my real answers. But it really is just too heavy to keep on my neck at all times.

So what happens is this pill takes measurements of my digestive tract’s pH, pressure and temperature and transmits the numbers to the monitor. When I am done with the test I bring the monitor to the doctor, he plugs it in to a special computer is comes with, and all the results are there!

Normally, according to the website, people naturally excrete the pill in 24-48 hours. This will not be the case with me. So, my doctor and I decided on Wednesday as a good day to return the monitor for results.

I am hopeful about this one. The problem is somewhere, and I do believe this should give insight in to where. So does my doctor. Once we know where the issue is, we can attempt to treat it. I say attempt because all treatments I have tried so far have not helped. But at least I will know where the problem is, have a name for my disorder and instead of vaguelly telling people, “I have stomach problems…not sure”, I can instead say “I have this.”

Then I would like one of two things to happen:

1. Treatment works and I can eat what I want, get back to normal weight, etc
2. Acceptance. I have to be stuck not being able to eat fruits, veggies, etc and I visit a nutritionist to work out a delicious, healthy meal plan that works for me, but I will accept that this is my size and these ae the foods I can/can’t eat and accept it

So I will probably have to keep this thing with me until Wednesday, and I CAN’T WAIT to bring it to the doctor. I am excited to hear something — anything. Maybe I can even get my life back…

Listening to my tummy

Sigh. So with all my GI problems that I had mentioned earlier, I have had to cut most foods out of my life. This leaves very little left for me to eat — basically chicken, fish, other meats, cheese and yogurt is all I can eat. I know what I absolutely cannot have: vegetables, fruit, bread and rice (both white and whole wheat), oatmeal and all other oats and grains, anything containing fiber, etc etc, you get the idea… So in other words, NOT a fun life for someone who loves healthy eating and used to eat all the aforementioned foods.

But, I get hungry. More than that, I just want to be able to eat delicious, filling foods. And then I slowly start to bring in some foods that *maybe* won’t bother me. Maybe if I eat only a tiny bit. Maybe it’s not something that would affect my stomach after all. Maybe I can handle it. And then I bring it in to my diet. At first it isn’t so bad, because it is such a small amount. (Most recently, I’ve been adding these to my chobani: Peanut Butter puffins which have a small amount of fiber, EnviroKids Organic Peanut Butter Panda Puffs [omg. SO good], and small amounts of fruit). Very small doses, not so bad. But, me being me, that is never enough. Yesterday I had the cereals in my yogurt, snacked on some more after, had a banana and 2 persimmons. By the time I left work I was in COMPLETE AGONY. My stomach had blown up to the size of a 4-5 month pregnant lady. I was in extreme discomfort and pain. My plans for going to the gym after work were diminishing. I felt lethargic and slow. I couldn’t even figure out how I was going to walk to the subway feeling like this!

I got home and rested a bit, then pushed myself to the  gym. Earlier in the day, I was planning on doing a 45 minute treadmill run (courtsey of Carrots ‘N’ Cake), but that was no longer an option with all the food moving around inside me. I hopped on the elliptical, programmed it for 40 minutes, and got going. I was not able to work hard at all. My heart rate didn’t get up to where it should be to remain in my optimum zone, and I had a horrible cramp in 2 places in my stomach, even though it had been awhile since I had eaten. I pushed myself to just stay on because even though the bloating was because of my GI problems, something in my brain still believes I was just fat. I felt fat, I looked preggers, I felt gross, therefore I needed to work out. I do know the problem isn’t calories (as I have said before), but there is something in me that just can’t make the connection.

But I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to force myself to exercise when I am not feeling well because of GI problems that cross wires in my brain with what looks like weight gain. I want to exercise when I feel good, because I want to. Not because I feel fat as a result of eating foods my body can’t handle. So I made a decision that I have made before, but now I am really challenging myself to stick to it: listen to my tummy. I have been having my GI problems long enough (and am having another test this week that should finally give some answers and set me on the path to the right treatment) to know that in order to feel good, I need to listen to my tummy. When I stuck to eating only the foods I can tolerate, I felt better than ever. I was able to exercise after work and feel great, even after a day of eating. My stomach was SO much less bloated. I had more energy. I felt healthier. I was happier.

I repeat: I was happier. Yes, it sucks to not be able to eat what I want, especially when I read food blogs all the time that show pictures and descriptions of all the great things I can’t have. But how happy can I really be when I am in constant pain and discomfort? Sure, the food tastes good at the time, but is it worth it? Of course not.

Today I had a breakfast, snack and lunch that my body can handle. So far, I am feeling good. And as I get more into working out, particularly running, I need to be able to have the energy to do it. I need to feel good in my own body — and that is what I am working on now. Hopefully writing more blogs like this will help me stay on track and listen to my tummy!

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