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What Exercise Taught Me About Myself

On January 2, 2010 my life changed. Sounds dramatic, I know, but it’s true. That is the day I began the Core Fusion Challenge. That is  the day I became a person who actually enjoys exercising. That is the day

Over these last two years, I’ve learned a few things about myself that I’m not sure I would have known otherwise.

I am stubborn
I think I sorta knew this before, but the extent did not show until I got into exercise. When I started doing half marathons, I slacked on my training because I didn’t want to give up any classes. I loved the workouts and I loved the results and I loved being so comfortable there and knowing exactly what I was doing. And then when I injured my hip last year (read about it here and here), I kept taking Core Fusion even though a few exercises in that class made my hip hurt more. I had worked so hard to get where I was that I just couldn’t imagine stopping and losing all that. It was incredibly stupid.

I am lazy
OK I already knew this. But what I didn’t know is that I could simultaneously be both an exercise addict — and by this I mean I spend an inordinate amount of time on the Refine, Core Fusion and now FlyWheel schedulers planning and figuring out which classes I can take and at what time, I take class almost every day, I push myself hard in these classes, I train for a marathon — yet I am also so lazy that when I am in bed and want to read, I don’t. Because my Kindle is in my bag. On the floor.

That is the same reason I never wear my glasses.

I am an underachiever
Contradictory to what I said above, but it’s true. I mean, look at my marathon. I had it in me to run a 4:33 marathon but I didn’t ever train very fast. I didn’t think I could. I thought I was a relatively slow runner, and I nurtured that. I do the same thing in my classes too. I think something will be too hard for me so I half-ass it or take some easy way out. Then after, I realize I could have done it or I should have tried.

Dori finishing Richmond Marathon
[Finish line at Richmond Marathon]

I like pushing myself
Despite being an underachiever, it turns out I do also like pushing myself. Contradictory but true. I never thought I was someone who wanted to test her limits. Until I started Core Fusion (and eventually Refine) I truly believed I was happiest in comfort. The comfort of the couch, the comfort of the bed, the comfort of coming home after work and doing nothing. Turns out I was wrong. There is absolutely nothing like the adrenaline rush of pushing myself in a class, and the rewarding feeling that comes when I see progress and improvement. The day I could hold a plank for the entire time in Core Fusion was nothing short of amazing. Same goes for the day I officially switched from modified knee pushups to real, straight-leg pushups.  Or the day I stopped using two-pound weights for good in Core Fusion. (And now I no longer pick up threes). And I wasn’t even happy to call it a day there –these achievements made me want to push harder. The more I improved, the more I wanted to improve even more.

Dori in Core Fusion
[At Core Fusion]

I am tough on myself
Ridiculously so. Let’s say I am in a class doing a set of exercises. If when we finish I realize I could have pushed myself harder, I  get mad at myself. I mentally beat myself up. I go home and continue to lament on dailymile. Then I forget about it and the next day the cycle resumes.

Dori at Refine Method
[Photo – At Refine Method]

I like routine
I actually never realized this until working out became part of it. Part of the reason I thrived so much (seriously, I became like a different person) once these classes became part of my life is because of the routine and structure they gave me. Exercise was a constant, something I automatically included in my day. I loved it.

Have you learned anything about yourself through exercise?

 

After November 6

For months, my life consisted of just two times: before November 6 and after November 6. In case you don’t know, November 6 was the ING NYC Marathon.  If something was planned for after, like a work conference I had on the 9th,  my only thought would be  “That is after November 6. By then I’ll be done with the marathon.”

Thinking of December was not even something I could fathom. It was all about November 6. I couldn’t imagine anything else. Then November 6 came and went and I still wasn’t a marathoner and then November 12 came and went and I was one.

It was all strange and surreal. It’s odd to base your life around this one event, this one day. Because what happens after?

In my case, lots of getting back to normal along with learning a new balance. Andy and I started dating in March and up until about September we spent more time apart than together. Things were new and we were getting to know each other, so I would see him once or twice during the week and one weekend day. The other days, I stuck to my usual workout schedule and my life was never disrupted.

The real disruption came with my new job — longer hours meant less time to take my favorite classes. But I still had enough time to make it all work.

When we eventually started spending a lot more time together, I was so deep into my marathon training that I needed to cut out strength anyway because my legs felt too sore. The extra free time (which likely would have been used for yoga or  spinning or other classes I could still have done) became extra time with him. I liked it. I liked being completely and totally lazy for the first time since I started the Core Fusion Challenge in January 2010. I didn’t even feel compelled to pick up a set of dumb bells. I liked doing nothing. Perhaps I lost my mojo. Or maybe I was just burned out. Or maybe I just felt like giving myself a break.

I liked doing nothing so much that I worried about what would happen after the marathon. I feared that my new life of leisure would mean that I never could get myself back to my beloved workout classes, and I would get weak and soft, lose my edge and overall become unhappy with myself. I worried I would never get back into a routine.

I’m getting there though. The marathon is over and after about a week I slowly started taking my classes again. I took Core Fusion Cardio, Refine Method and Music Yoga Flow (wow I needed that one). Getting back into a routine means I need to do something I didn’t have to do before — I need to balance time for working out with time for my boyfriend. Of course, time with my friends too, but that has never been an issue. My issue is that I like going over to Andy’s after work at 7 pm, plopping down on the couch, eating dinner and watching episode after episode of Beverly Hills, 90210.

Last night was my first attempt at achieving this balance. I had a Refine class scheduled for 7:35. I already don’t like working out that late, but it’s the only time I could make it after work. But I also wanted to see Andy because we spent Thanksgiving weekend apart. That meant I hurried home from the office, changed to workout clothes,  packed a bag of work clothes and went to class. From there, sweaty and smelly, I went directly to Andy’s.

It worked out fine. I could do this more (although I threw down money for a cab because waiting for the bus at 9 pm did not appeal to me . . . so it might get expensive) and it felt natural and normal. Instead of choosing what to do tonight (take my favorite Core Fusion Yoga or go to Andy’s?) I finally feel comfortable doing both.

It will continue to be an experiment, and it will continue to not be ideal. But it is a relief that this one day is behind me because now I feel like I can finally move forward with everything else. And even though that one day did not turn out as I planned, I’m extremely thrilled with how it did turn out.

I’m glad to be back in class even though right now it really, really sucks. Exercises that used to be relatively easy for me are now impossible. I can barely even do a pushup anymore. I used to love pushups! It hurts and it’s hard and I often either don’t want to or can’t push myself. Last night at Refine I switched my jumpbacks to step-backs. My quads were just on fire and I couldn’t do the jumps. Or could I? Was I just taking the easy way out? Am I frustrated that things that used to be easy now feel so hard? Or did I really do my best and my legs were truly too spent to do the jumps?

If I got out of work just an hour earlier, or worked closer to Manhattan, it would be easier. I could take earlier classes and have more time. But I don’t. So now that I am over three months into my new job, now that I am over eight months into my relationship with Andy, now that the previously unthinkable “after November 6” is over — now I can figure out how to organize my life in a way that includes everything I love and settle into a new routine. At least until I start training for my next half marathon.

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