I hope I don’t get in trouble for this.
My friend forwarded me an email from a friend of a friend. It contained a text message conversation between a girl named Jana* and Michael,  a guy she went on one date with. According to the background information I was given, Michael was a seemingly normal, educated (I wish I knew where so I could advise you all not to send your children to that school) 30-year-old. Jana did not anticipate the barrage of strangely-spelled texts she would receive immediately after their very first  date.
Jana is a much nicer lady than I would have been. If there is one thing I can’t stand, it is stupidity with a lack of self-awareness. What really gets me about this is that Michael really seems to think the phrase is “tex message.” Tex. It’s not exactly a typo when he not only uses “tex” repeatedly, but he pluralizes it to “texs.”
THAT IS NUTS.
And honestly, there is no excuse for any 30-year-old man to use “lol” or emoticons in his text messages.
*Names have been changed to protect both the innocent and the stupid
—
The date took place on a Sunday evening.
SUNDAY
11:12pm – Missed call from Michael
Michael (11:17pm) : was just callin to to say i had a nice night w. u. u seem very real.
DSB note: When trying to impress, use your grown-up words, kids. Even in text messages.
Michael (11:21pm): Don’t really know how u felt about seeing me again… don’t want to waste time… if i am not 4 u or whatever its all good just let me know..i don’t like getting my hopes up for no reason
DSB note: In my experience, it takes more work to get to the numbers section and type in “4” than it is to just write out “for.” Laziness is one thing. Stupidity is another.
Michael (11:31pm): Not trying to make things intence lol. i am just a brutally honest person on the way i feel and just want to know if u really do want to continue hangin in the future.
DSB note: College-educated people should know how to spell “intense.”
Michael (11:49pm): Haha you’re making me sweat out a responce lol, its all good either way just let me know:)
DSB note: And “response.”
Michael (11:56pm): All I ask for is honesty:)
Michael (12:09am): Passin out soon. don’t want to sound desperate for a responce w anymore texs…I am not going to texs you anymore..don’t know even know if u got my texs yet.
DSB note: texs texs texs texs
Michael (12:15am): If I don’t hear back from u then I guess it was nice hanging w u and wish u the best..any responce though wud be the right thing to do..i can handle rejection
Michael (12:21am): I’m a big boy lol
Michael (12:27am): And sorry for the rambling tex messages I am a rambler when i tex lol. will not tex u or call u anymore unless u tell and repsond u want to see me again
DSB note: If only he kept his word about texing…
MONDAY
Michael (8:18 am): Wow!! can’t believe u just ignored me and didn’t even give me answer if you want to see me again that all i asked!! Very rude and not nice. I treated u very well at dinner and even gave u a ride home
Michael (8:22 am): And to ignore me is so f*ckup
DSB note: So very f*ckup
Michael (8:26 am): I didn’t even care if I wasn’t for u. there’s a million in the sea but to ignore some is so childish
DSB note: Oh. IGNORING is what’s childish here.
Jana (8:27 am): Morning! Just got all these msgs! Not gonna lie – they’re kind of freaking me out…
Michael (8:28am): Ahhh, I thought u were just ignoring me cause I sent the when I got home.
Jana (8:30am): Ah. Nope. My phone was charging + I went to sleep early, food coma.
Michael (8:31am): Hahah. I am such an idiot ha
DSB note: Yep.
Michael (8:34am): I am sorry I just liked u and thought u were ignoring me!
Michael (8:35am): Yes I rambled w the text message cause I wanted to go to sleep knowing how u felt
Michael (8:36am): I had not been on a good date w a girl I liked in 4 ever. sorry i came off as intence w the texs i know
DSB note: Some very intence texs!
Jana (8:36am): I had a great time at dinner. But these msgs are kid of off putting, Gotta get ready for work now
Michael: (8:43am): I was very into you what can I say. i f*ckup w the tex messages and i am sorry.. i think we should still hang again. they were just tex messages lol. have a nice day at work…and don’t let a tex message be the determiner of u seeing me again
DSB note: Michael is right. A tex message lol should not be the determiner. But we are up to 18 tex messages lol now.
Michael (8:46am): If u don’t see me again it won’t be from the texts it will be because you not that into me at dinner…i know how these things work
DSB note: That is how these things work? Perhaps I should experiment with my own tex messages lol then. Boys, prepare yourselves!
Jana (8:50am): Thx. All the txting is a bit much. No one has ever sent me 40Â msgs like that. Can I just have a bit of space to process all of this.
Michael (8:57am): It wasn’t 40 lol your exaggerating it was like 7-10. Anyways u don’t have to process me. I am a great guy and got a little ocd with the texs. u should want to see me again.
DSB note: The tex message count is up to 20.
Michael (8:58am): And if u need to process seeing me based on 7 tex messages that i sent u only because i really liked u and wanted to know if we were on the same page then ovs your not 4 me.
DSB note: In addition to spelling, Michael needs to learn addition.
Michael (9:00am): I don’t want someone who loses interest over tex messages that were only meant last night in a good way cause i cared about knowing how u felt cause i didn’t want to get my hopes up for no reason
Michael (9:08am): Sorry for the drama but your obvs not for me if u need space to think about whether i am for u based on tex messages. take care be well it would have been great continuing to hang further as i feel like we had great chemistry together. best of luck.
DSB note: According to his theory, I doubt there are any girls that are obvs for him.
Jana (9:11am): Yes. To be totally forthright. the level of intensity is just too much for me so I guess I am not for you after all. regardless, had a nice time at dinner, take care and good luck to you as well:)
Michael (9:14am): Just be honest =) one last thing before we never speak again..did you really want to see me again before i sent you those text messages? or after the date you felt “nice guy but not really 4 me..” cause u don’t know how angry i am at myself for blowing it w u cause of tex messages…
Michael (9:18am): Cause i got the impression by ur energy when u got out of the cab that u weren’t that into me prob would have not seen me again even if i dint write you seven texs.
DSB Note: 25 texs.
Jana (9:19am): don’t be angry with yourself. you’re just doing you. just not the way i am used to communicating. have a good one Michael. be well. bye.
Michael (9:22am): yes, all i was asking about was did u really want to see me again after the date B4 the tex messages??? please just answer that question honestly that is all I ask of u.
Michael (9:24am): Just for my records so I will know how to behave differently the next time I take out a girl.
DSB note: How about stopping after one tex?
Jana (9:25am): Yes.
Michael (9:29am): Uchhhh. u don’t know how shitty i feel now that u say yes. the tex messages were rambled based on scardem and you’re wrong its not me to behave in that matter…
DSB note: At first I thought “scardem” meant “sarcasm” and I was confused. My friend explained to me that Michael is trying to use a word that would be better articulated as”scaredom” — also not a real word.
Michael (9:31am): I liked u so much and hadn’t like one person I went out with in 3 months…. when u didn’t respond i panicked and behaved in intence manner. i wish u could give me another chance and give me three strike rule like baseball…
Michael (9:35am): can u give me two more strikes or even one???? 🙂 I do have a heart you will miss out
Jana: (9:40am): I am sure you do. You are a nice guy. I just don’t think we are a good match. I will let you know if I change my mind. I really have to focus on work now though so please stop with the texts, thanks!
THURSDAY (she had told him on their Sunday date that she had book club on Wednesday night)
Michael (6:15 pm): Jaaanaaaa… hey sweet thang.. how was book club?
DSB note: OK seriously, what is wrong with him‽
Michael (6:20pm): Did you read any nice novels?
Michael (9:00 pm): Ok i c i am peaced. whatever nighty night.
Michael (9:16): I got other girls lined up anyways
DSB note: Good luck with that
FRIDAY
Michael (8:09 pm): hey wsup…
Michael (8:16 pm): ok bein shut down>>>later…your loss over a tex message lol
DSB note: 36 tex messages lol
Michael (8:27 pm): u will never find someone as good as me thats 4 sure…good luck
DSB note: Somehow, I doubt that
—
Listen, boys. My girlfriends and I Gchat about our crappy dates and the ridiculous and absurd situations we find ourselves in. My friend Jackie and I have a little saying that goes something like this:
What is wrong with EVERYONE?!
That phrase applies perfectly to Michael. What is wrong with him? I wonder how he could have appeared normal to Jana at all during the date because idiocy at this level usually permeates all modes of conversation. But for whatever reason, she thought he was a regular non-moron.
This text exchange has made the rounds. Someone sent it to my friend, my friend sent it to me, I sent it to a few friends and the entire internet. Girls will talk.
If Michael happens upon the blog post, hopefully he will glean some insight. But I bet he won’t — some people just don’t get it. Michael is clearly one of those. lol.
—
Read Texgate lol 2011: The Aftermath
Hayden
April 26, 2011 at 6:40 am (14 years ago)I know exactly how you feel. I went on a date with someone only to have basically the very same thing happen for an entire week. I had these kinds of messages, then the demands for information about me and all kinds of neuroses you could possibly imagine. If only I could show you the chat history and stuff like that but I made a habit of deleting it because it drove me mad. Insane. Absolutely insane.
Amber
April 26, 2011 at 6:46 am (14 years ago)I am pretty sure I dated this guy. It was 2007, back before everyone had unlimited tex-ing and my phone bill that month was $250.
Seriously. What is wrong with people?
emily
April 26, 2011 at 6:53 am (14 years ago)michael is a disgrace (or as he would probably say, disgrase). his whole stream-of-consciousness line of tex(t) messages would be too much for any lady to handle. all i can say is that your friend dodged a bullet. at least she saw what michael was capable of (sending a crazy amounts of texts) and not capable of (self-control, spelling basic english words correct) before she spent more time with him.
Ali @ Ali on the Run
April 26, 2011 at 7:24 am (14 years ago)Oh. My. God. This is hilarious. Great start to my day. I love texing.
Amanda
April 26, 2011 at 8:03 am (14 years ago)I usually just lurk, but I HAD to comment on this one!
Holy crap…that dude is a total creeper! Thank goodness she only wasted one date with him!!
sara
April 26, 2011 at 8:15 am (14 years ago)omg this exact same thing happened to me last week, except it was on gchat not through texts. i leave my computer signed onto gchat while i’m at work to talk to other people in my office and he started freaking out about how i saw him online but wasn’t messaging him and he kept asking if i was into him and i explained once that i was busy at work and couldn’t talk to him and he proceeded to message me a kazillion more times about how i should just be honest and tell him whether i’m into him and when i didn’t answer because i was busy with work he told me that i wasn’t pretty enough to be such a bitch. THEN when i answered that i really did like him but was just busy at work but now had no interest in seeing him again, he started begging for me to give him another chance even after he just insulted me. Definitely not happening.
Hannah
April 26, 2011 at 9:02 am (14 years ago)This is too too funny! Thanks for making me laugh on a dreary Tuesday morning…and for some insight on which guys to avoid in this world!
Lauren @ Hhungry Child in the City
April 26, 2011 at 9:03 am (14 years ago)THIS IS INSANE!!!! Wow. She was so nice to him! I can’t believe it. I would have freaked out on him or called Verizon to block his number. What a tool. Thanks for sharing!
MelissaNibbles
April 26, 2011 at 9:19 am (14 years ago)Holy fucking shit.
Cameo
April 26, 2011 at 9:24 am (14 years ago)I am beside myself! SOOOOO FUNNY! That poor girl. But, oh, my, the COMEDY GOLD! Your commentary really made me lol, girl.
Meredith @ An Epic Change
April 26, 2011 at 9:26 am (14 years ago)oh my word this guy is intence!!!! I’ve had some creepy guys texts me and get close to this guy, but he definitely takes the cake. My favorite text after a first date was:
Guy: “random question: are your hips wide?”
Me: “what?”
Guy: “I just need to know if you have wide hips. we have big babies in the family and I’m just thinking about whether you’ll be able to give birth to them or not”
DEAD SERIOUS.
Di
April 26, 2011 at 9:35 am (14 years ago)Oh. My. God.
Thanks for posting this…I needed the laugh!
Kevin
April 26, 2011 at 9:44 am (14 years ago)Wow…like you said, what is wrong with people?? I have a hard time believing this guy is real, but looks like those who replied have been in similar situations. The “tex” thing is hilarious. This guy being “educated” doesn’t surprise me though. My roommate thinks a laptop is a “labtop,” and frustrating is really “flustrating”…also, I just taught him the 3 forms of two/to/too about a month ago. Yes, he has a college degree from the same school as me. Thanks, for sharing Dori. This made me laugh…but also sad that some guys are like that. Creepy!
Amy
April 26, 2011 at 9:48 am (14 years ago)Hilarious way to start my morning. Thank you for sharing this.
Missy Maintains
April 26, 2011 at 10:10 am (14 years ago)Whoa what a freak!
Theodora
April 26, 2011 at 10:25 am (14 years ago)Intence indeed.
Joey
April 26, 2011 at 10:51 am (14 years ago)I cringed while reading that whole exchange. Reminded me of that scene in Swingers, but over voice mails and not over “texs” Man that was brutal!
Eliz@The Sweet Life
April 26, 2011 at 11:15 am (14 years ago)This is amazing…too funny!
Chelsea Mae
April 26, 2011 at 11:23 am (14 years ago)This is pure brilliance. The DSB notes are absolutely hilarious. This guy is freakin scary. I expect this story to end with him showing up at her door with some sort of a lamb sacrifice or a dozen roses, dead, to signify every day of pain she’s put him through…
That said, I’ve totally been on the other end too. The crazy text sending end. But it was never after a FIRST DATE. Wow.
Lauren
April 26, 2011 at 11:41 am (14 years ago)Great Laugh!!! It is great to hear other people’s crazy dating stories because I tend to have tons of my own.
Chase
April 26, 2011 at 11:58 am (14 years ago)And you wonder why guys get insecure? Yes, this guy was over the top, but I fear blogs like this!! Ha. I wonder if I have a text stream out there somewhere from a sad desperate night…with a pride of lionesses tearing it to shreds!! Oh, the shame….
Dorry
April 26, 2011 at 12:06 pm (14 years ago)Unbelieveable. All the analyzing and justifying and insecurity and then the arrogance! Ha. I feel sad for him.
I’ve actually experienced something similar to this, but the guy was texting me song lyrics to communicate what he wanted to say. He called it poetry, but it was stolen lyrics from well-known songs.
Nikkki
April 26, 2011 at 1:03 pm (14 years ago)Ahahaha! Oh my gosh, seriously. I love how your friend was repeatedly polite while dismissing him and he still didn’t get a hint.
Britney
April 26, 2011 at 1:37 pm (14 years ago)This is eerily similar to a guy I once went on a date with. I felt like I needed a decoder ring to read his emails and he was pretty relentless on going out with me.
Katherine
April 26, 2011 at 1:59 pm (14 years ago)That is too funny!!! Thanks for the humorous pick-me-up mid day!
Sounds like the guy is extremely insecure and maybe it was his first date…at age 30…
Sam
April 26, 2011 at 2:50 pm (14 years ago)This was so freaking hilarious! Thanks for sharing. It totally cracked me up. Poor spelling is such a pet peeve of mine.
Beki B
April 26, 2011 at 3:55 pm (14 years ago)Holy obsessive much?!
While those texs (haha) made me laugh, I felt bad for Jana. That was a lot to deal with. And I agree, she was much nicer than she needed to be.
People need to spell correctly. Just because you are sending a text, doesn’t mean all the rules (grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc.) need to go out the window.
Aj
April 26, 2011 at 3:56 pm (14 years ago)I have no words. I am laughing so hard right now.
Lauren @ Team Giles
April 26, 2011 at 3:58 pm (14 years ago)I want to hug the poor girl that this happened to and say “not all boys are this stupid.” 🙂
Jen
April 26, 2011 at 4:21 pm (14 years ago)just wow.
betsy
April 26, 2011 at 4:30 pm (14 years ago)this.is.awesome.
I work with a guy who is like this…socially inept or something. Just doesn’t get it. sad, but true.
LC
April 26, 2011 at 5:36 pm (14 years ago)So glad your friend is not seeing him again!! He sounds like a scary, scary guy.
Jason
April 26, 2011 at 5:48 pm (14 years ago)This was a fantastic read. I feel bad for him, and her. But I’m not sure who I feel worse for…
Jason
April 26, 2011 at 5:57 pm (14 years ago)Sorry to do this, but I’m going to have to expose Michael’s last name so y’all can look him up.
It’s Michael Never-Getzlaeyd.
alex
April 26, 2011 at 7:06 pm (14 years ago)HAHA amazing. I too have been a victim of a moronic psychopath like Michael. I wish I still had the conversation but it ended similarly to your friend’s with something like “You’re (spelled wrong) cute but a bitch… good luck.” Aaaaaaaalright.
Jasmine @ Eat Move Write
April 26, 2011 at 7:55 pm (14 years ago)That is SERIOUSLY the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. I just forwarded it to a bunch of my girlfriends. What’s really strange is my hubby just guest posted tonight on text messages. Ironic!
LOVE this!
Marci
April 26, 2011 at 8:12 pm (14 years ago)I’m glad that I’m married!
Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine
April 26, 2011 at 8:31 pm (14 years ago)HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This kind of made my night. And also made me scared to date people.
Margaret
April 26, 2011 at 8:37 pm (14 years ago)THIS IS AMAZING. So hilarious. I love it! Thank you for posting!
But really, yes, WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!
Rebeca
April 26, 2011 at 8:42 pm (14 years ago)Oh. My. God.
Best post ever. I cannot believe that someone would do that but I had a guy like that. We went on one date and within minutes of walking in the door (he dropped me off) I started getting phone calls. Twenty phone calls, forty texts and four hours later, I finally texted him back. I told him I thought it was creepy and he had that same “Oh it was only 5 calls.” Crrrrazy. He still texts me at least twice a week but I just ignore him (three months later).
Stephanie@MyThornsHaveRoses
April 26, 2011 at 8:58 pm (14 years ago)This whole post was freakin hilarious. Wow! How intence.
Bella
April 26, 2011 at 9:51 pm (14 years ago)you know, I keep hearing about the “obesity epidemic.” Why aren’t more people talking about the “dumb people epidemic”?! From the countless comments from chicks who claim to have dated Michael (or “a Micheal”), this sort of disease is clearly contagious and ubiquitous. Unfortunately, I don’t know what the cure is for these infected fools. Maybe bombard their email boxes with Lolzcats?
😉
melissa
April 26, 2011 at 10:46 pm (14 years ago)I can’t believe this is real!!! Is english his first language? I just read it twice, now my stomach hurts. Laugh out loud.
Also, you posted this at 5:46 AM!
Allie @ Fitness Class Fanatic
April 26, 2011 at 11:33 pm (14 years ago)This is insanity!!! I sent to friends… too good not to share… too crazy not to cringe that there are more wild ones out there like this. REALLY dude, calm down.
CH
April 26, 2011 at 11:44 pm (14 years ago)Oh dear God this is bad. But also hilarious. I have a huge problem with passive aggressive texting. I do NOT want to fight with someone over text message. It would be so much better for all involved to have a REAL conversation if there is a serious issue.
Some people just do not understand the limits of technology. Technology is not God. It will not mask your stupidity or your rudeness or your meanness. Ughhh….
Nice commentary on the texts. 🙂
Kendra
April 27, 2011 at 2:01 am (14 years ago)Oh my God, this happened to me but it lasted for WEEKS. I actually got a text again from the guy tonight asking if I wanted to hang out… for real douchebag?
I mean, I’ve been known to drunk text occasionally… erm… quite often… but only to people I have established relationships with who know that I’m that kind of ridiculous.
Brandi
April 27, 2011 at 1:37 pm (14 years ago)What a nutjob! This post is priceless. I couldn’t stop laughing! This happened to me in college with an ex-boyfriend but he would bombard me from all angles (email, facebook, IM, and “texs”).
That girl is a class act. She was way nicer to him than I ever would have been. Esp after tex 20! What was he thinking?!
Rachel
April 27, 2011 at 6:36 pm (14 years ago)Man, this puts one of my dating situations this past summer in perspective. I also went to dinner with a guy who was really nice, but whom frankly I just didn’t find attractive. (And I really tried to like him off of personality alone, honest!) I attempted every possible nice way to say I wasn’t interested in a second date, including the truth–that I was moving across country in a month. The guy never let up, including contacting me on holidays months later to see if I was back in town. But at least he had GOOD GRAMMAR, not to mention SPELLING!
andi
April 28, 2011 at 1:56 am (14 years ago)this is one of the best things I’ve read in a long time! actually, I think I may have dated “Michael” at one point. lol.
hrmm
April 28, 2011 at 3:46 am (14 years ago)why is it not ok for a 30 y/o man to use lol in a private text message but a critic on a public blog is free to lol all she wants? looks like a double standard to me. hrmm
Dori
April 28, 2011 at 7:02 am (14 years ago)I sincerely hope for your own sake that you are being facetious.
Cameo
April 28, 2011 at 10:07 am (14 years ago)lol
Rachel Wilkerson
April 28, 2011 at 10:41 am (14 years ago)mock (v.): to ridicule by mimicry of action or speech; mimic derisively
John
April 28, 2011 at 12:49 pm (14 years ago)No, she’s serious. She’s one of those self entitled cunts that thinks the world MUST operate as she thinks it should.
Dori
April 28, 2011 at 12:52 pm (14 years ago)No, I was mocking him.
Carly D. @ CarlyBananas
April 29, 2011 at 4:16 pm (14 years ago)Hey there filthy language. I bet you have problems with sending lots of tex messages too.