When You Have To Run

When on Friday morning you book a flight for that afternoon to go to Florida to see your grandma who had something like a stroke, but not a stroke,

and

You haven’t run since your marathon on November 16 because you injured your knee there, with a diagnosis of IT band inflammation and patella femoral pain syndrome,

and

You technically aren’t supposed to be running yet, but luckily the injury isn’t too serious. The worst that could happen is you slow down your recovery time,

and

You just have to run. So, you run. You run 2.19 miles the first day and 3 miles the second day,

and

Running feels amazing. You are able to organize your thoughts, work through the weekend’s events, make sense of things that previously did not make sense, spend a few precious minutes outdoors, boost your mood,  feel accomplished and move your body before a full day at the hospital,

and

You are smart. On the first day you stop at the first sign of patella femoral pain, and feel relief that there was absolutely no IT pain. On the second day you feel no pain at all but stop at 3 miles to be safe,

and

You are grateful to be running there at all. You are grateful your injuries were not too serious. You are grateful you were able to run for as long as you did without pain. You are grateful to have a hobby that helps you work through your feelings and collect your thoughts. You are grateful to have a hobby you can do anywhere. You are grateful for Florida weather. You are grateful your grandma seems so much better on Saturday than Friday, and better Sunday than Saturday, even though things are still scary and unclear,

and

Although they warned you it could still get worse, you are just grateful for this moment, right now, where things aren’t as bad as they seemed when you got on that plane,

and

Even though you’re in physical therapy and not technically supposed to run yet, you run because you have to run,

and

It is so, so worth it.