Dudes Unite!

An apartment building gym that shall remain nameless recently sent the following email to its members:

Subject:  New Class for Guys

Dudes Unite!

This class isn’t for the causal fitness enthusiast… This class is for those that want to take their workouts in another direction and to another level. This class is rough, and its tough, so you can get buff!

So what is it?… It is a total body interval training class with a sports infusion! That means, you get bigger, stronger, faster though many sports fitness drills and athletic skills. This class will use sports training techniques that the pros use to get their athletes to perform better and to increase their lean muscle mass.

In this class we will use ladders for speed drills, cardiovascular movements, weights and resistance bands to increase strength, not to mention plyometric movements to build explosive power while improving your balance and coordination.

So Men,  hang up your ties and strap on your sneakers. Come work out with nationally certified personal trainer Clewi Challeger [sic] and enjoy a class that is guaranteed to challenge you. Clewi is a former division I college football athlete with a powerlifting background.

You want to get better? Then let’s get Ruff, Tuff and Buff starting on Wednesday September 21st at 6:30 pm!

Jane Shelly CPT, CSCS

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So. Much. To. Say. About this.

Before I go through the contents of this email, I have to give praise to the author. As a writer myself, I only wish I was able to write so descriptively. This person clearly has very strong feelings about this fitness class. I really want to try it — but is it for guys only? That was not clear.

Now, we analyze.

Subject:  New Class for Guys

DSB note: Good start. I’d like to know more.

Dudes Unite!

DSB note: Well, OK then. Dudes unite!

This will be the way I greet people from now on. Good morning, hello, bye = no more. From now on, DUDES UNITE! Every greeting. Who’s with me?

This class isn’t for the causal fitness enthusiast… This class is for those that want to take their workouts in another direction and to another level. This class is rough, and its tough, so you can get buff!

DSB note: I’m not sure if I am more intrigued by what this class might be like, or by the Saved by the Bell Ox-ish rhyme sequence.

So what is it?… It is a total body interval training class with a sports infusion!

DSB note: Whenever I see an ellipses in the middle of two complete sentences, I know they mean business. Manly business. Dudes unite!

That means, you get bigger, stronger, faster though many sports fitness drills and athletic skills. This class will use sports training techniques that the pros use to get their athletes to perform better and to increase their lean muscle mass.

In this class we will use ladders for speed drills, cardiovascular movements, weights and resistance bands to increase strength, not to mention plyometric movements to build explosive power while improving your balance and coordination.

DSB note: I want to know more about this explosive power. What is it exactly? A quick search of the tubes shows me this is a fairly common man-exercise term. Who coined it? And where does the line fall between regular power and explosive power? Is there a formula? 

I can’t speak to ladders, but as for cardiovascular movements, weights, resistance bands and plyometric movements . . . that sounds a whole lot like the classes I take  (though I do not believe I’ve been promised explosive power). My classes are mostly comprised of women. Or I should say, Women, because. . .

So Men,  hang up your ties and strap on your sneakers.

DSB note: What in the hell kind of sneakers are these Men wearing that they are strapped on?! Also, all Men wear ties to work. And you have to achieve explosive power to go from being a man to being a Man.

[Real Men with explosive power after strapping on footwear]

Come work out with nationally certified personal trainer Clewi Challeger [sic] and enjoy a class that is guaranteed to challenge you. Clewi is a former division I college football athlete with a powerlifting background.

DSB note: The lack of Clewi photos and information on the webnets says a lot about his popularity. Also, the fact that he is teaching at an apartment building gym.

You want to get better?

DSB note: Better at what?

Then let’s get Ruff, Tuff and Buff starting on Wednesday September 21st at 6:30 pm!

DSB note: I totally get why they spelled “ruff and tuff” the way they did. But they did not spell the words this way earlier on in the email, which invalidates their decision to do so at this time. Consistency, Man aerobics people!

Jane Shelly CPT, CSCS

DSB note: The sender of the email has not one but two girls’ names. After getting all hyped up about Men fitness, seeing two lady names makes me doubt her ability to help Dudes Unite! Hopefully this does not deter any Men from taking class.

—

Final thoughts:

While this email is really funny on many levels, I think  it will scare guys at normal fitness levels away. It sounds impossible! One guy I know (whom I cannot confirm nor deny is my boyfriend, as I specifically promised not to embarrass him) even responded to the email to inquire whether something more basic is available, proclaiming Clewi’s class “about 10 levels past what I am capable of.”

He received no response. Real Men are too busy with explosive power and strap-on sneakers to respond to emails.

Fitness class descriptions should sound challenging — I mean, that is the point — but should also seem attainable. Unless it is an advanced version of a regular class, I don’t like to see people alienated by a workout. That is the reason so many people don’t exercise; they feel out of place, uncomfortable and confused. I used to feel that way all the time. In fact, when I was a member my old gym few years ago, they had IntenSati and I never once went because I thought IntenSati meant “intense.” (It doesn’t.) Now that I know the class, I love it! I also avoided yoga for years for the very same reason.

Regardless, this is a hilarious email and class description. It made my day. What are your thoughts on this email? And is it for guys only? Can I try it?? And do I need a special type of footwear with straps?

Dudes unite!