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On Not Being Dumb (Again)

How does that saying go? The one about making the same mistakes over and over again?

You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's a choice.

Over the last few months, I beat myself up relentlessly over my hip injury (Part 1 and Part 2). I constantly blame myself. I felt the first twinge of pain during a Core Fusion class. When I went back to class, I felt the pain during the same section, the gluteal part of class. And still, I went back. I didn’t want to give up the workout that transformed my body and my mind; the workout that truly changed my life.

And, to be totally honest, I didn’t want to lose the muscles and strength I worked so hard to achieve for an entire year.

Dori in Core Fusion

That decision turned out to be incredibly stupid. What started as a minor ache that hurt only during class, what was likely a nothing injury that would have been easy to resolve with some ice and rest, became a torn labrum that put me out of commission for months. The injury cost me two thousand dollars in medical bills (and that is on TOP of my monthly health insurance premium). The injury derailed me from running, caused me to drop out of my spring half marathon that I already registered for and caused me to question whether I would be able to run the ING NYC Marathon that I spent a year – and a bit of money – qualifying for.

I berated myself for months. “Why did you keep exercising even though you knew something was wrong? Why didn’t you rest? Why couldn’t you think about the long term, your marathon, your general ability to work out? Why didn’t you find a different exercise that doesn’t actively hurt your hip? Why did you ignore the pain and keep doing the same movements over and over again? Why are you such an idiot?”

I’m such a bitch to me! I don’t recommend being your own worst enemy. It is not very nice. Eventually I eased up on myself. Let this be a learning experience, I told myself. At least it happened before marathon training and not during. It could have been worse. I will never make the same mistake again.

You would think that learning from such a mistake would be easy.

The other morning I was working out at my beloved Refine and as I hopped to my left foot for a little side-jump, I felt my left knee pop (my hip injury is on my right side, for those of you wanting to make connections). The pop felt like an intense burst of pain in the front of my kneecap that left me in shock for a second. It then turned to a dull ache for the rest of class, which luckily was only about a minute long because it happened at the very end.

By the time I got to work the pain had all but disappeared. This pop had happened once before, a couple of months ago, and I went completely back to normal after, so I thought little of this.

The next day I was in Core Fusion Cardio, and during the warm-up we stand with our legs parallel and slightly bend our knees. During that tiny bend, the pain started again.

Nooooooooooo. No no no no no. No.

My knee continued to hurt during class, specifically during the times my left knee needed to bend. Bending knee = pain. A symptom. I took it very easy on my left side, barely participating in these bendy moves. On my walk home, I realized it would probably not be the best idea to run the Celebrate Israel Run in Central Park that I had signed up for the very next day. Sorry, Jews.

I was bummed because this was going to be my first race post-hip injury. I was so excited to be back in the running and racing game! I decided to ice my knee and see how I felt later on before making any definite decisions, but I had a feeling the race would not happen. And I was fine with that. As long as I can run again by the start of marathon training in July, I will be (mentally) fine. I don’t need to run much before then, especially if rest will heal me.

That night, my knee was still bothering me and I turned off my alarm to wake up for the race. I felt happy with my decision, and proud of myself for being a grown-up and not insisting on running the race anyway. Yes, I hate wasting money, but of course my health is more important and well worth the $18 entry fee.

However . . . I had signed up to try the brand new Barry’s Bootcamp class later that day. And here is where things got tricky.

I mean, look at these pretty people.

Barry's Bootcamp's pretty people

[Source: Well and Good NYC]

Barry’s Bootcamp is popular in Los Angeles, and this was their opening weekend in New York. Lots of people I know from blogging were attending this weekend. I was excited to try this new class, which has been named “The Best Celebrity Workout” by some magazines, like Allure. Kim Kardashian does it!

But I wondered about my knee. Should I go to class and just take it easy? Would it become impossible to modify for both my hip and my knee? I decided I could probably do it. I figured there would be moves like jump-backs, which I could just modify to step-backs instead of jumps.

Then I remembered reading something about the class. I remembered that strength moves are combined with intervals on the treadmill. Even if I could modify the strength sections (although really the idea of squats seemed impossible too…) there was no way to modify pounding my knees on a treadmill.

I wasn’t sure how much my knee was actually hurting, so I decided to get dressed and head down to Chelsea for the class. If it got too much, I could stop. Really, I just wanted to be there because this is the first weekend it came out and I REALLY wanted to write about it for NBC New York GO Healthy NYC as soon as possible. This class seemed like a big deal and I wanted to be on top of it! It’s for my career, right? Going to class is actually going to my job, I told myself. All in a day’s work.

I walked a few blocks to the subway. I felt a slight twinge in my knee. I got to the subway station and as I started heading down the steps, the pressure in my knee tripled. Walking down steps = pain. Another symptom. So now I had two symptoms: bending and down stairs.


The stairs of pain.

There was no way I could safely run on a treadmill or squat or do any number of exercises in Barry’s Bootcamp. I knew that by going to class and doing these things, working through this pain, would potentially turn what is right now a minor injury into a more serious one. And with marathon training starting in just one month, that is not a risk I should take.

I wish it was that simple. I wish I could say I turned around and walked back without a second thought. I have lots of classes I can write about for NBC New York; it’s not like I needed something right away. I could take Barry’s Bootcamp at any time and write about it later – it’s not going anywhere. Sure, it would be nice to write a review a hot new class the week it comes out, but so what if I don’t? Just because everyone is talking about it doesn’t mean I have to be in on that.

While writing this column is an incredible side opportunity that keeps me in practice and can hopefully lead to the career I want, missing one new workout the weekend it comes out will hardly make or break me. And missing one day of working out won’t make a difference in my body. Not to mention the fact that I am always quick to advise everyone else to rest of they get hurt. How hypocritical of me. Yet I am so adamant to others on the importance of taking it easy, but I have a next to impossible time taking my own advice.

So I turned around and walked back up the subway station stairs. I knew I did the right thing. I learned from my mistake with my hip. Even though I almost went to class anyway – which I realize would have been so, so stupid – I did the smart thing.

I did not work so hard for these last few months and take off so much time from running and Core Fusion to overcome this hip injury just to be derailed by a knee injury! Now is the time I can take care of myself. It had only hurt for a couple of days at this point. This is the time to ice my knee, rest, avoid the things that hurt and get better. Now is the time to take a break from running. Going to that class and running, squatting, jumping would have been doing the exact same thing I beat myself up over doing to cause my hip injury.

I know this. Intellectually, I get it. But being smart is hard.

Still need proof that being smart is hard? Here:

As I headed back home, I thought “Hey Dor! This is the perfect time to check out the Yo Yoga schedule and see if there is a nice rooftop class to take later. That won’t be too hard on your knee.”

Yes, I still thought this, even after deciding to take it easy. I figured I could still work out, and yoga would be easier on my knee, maybe even therapeutic.

And then, luckily, I came to my senses. What I needed was a TOTAL rest. Yoga involves knee bending! Yoga would NOT be the rest day I so desperately needed. And finally, finally – I was smart. For real.

And here I am in my backyard on gorgeous day, not exercising, but writing (which, I might add, is also considered work). Writing about not being dumb. Again. Even thought I almost was.

My Hip Injury – Part 2

Thank you for your words of support about my hip after I posted Part 1 of this two-part series: My Hip Injury – Part 1.

So, where did we leave off? Ah yes — I realized I had to stop taking Core Fusion.

Like I said, that one was mentally hard to deal with. I love Core Fusion. I lived for Core Fusion! Part of the reason I was even in this situation to begin with is because I didn’t want to STOP taking Core Fusion even though I felt pain. I worked so hard for the last year taking class 4-5 times a week and was terrified of losing everything I worked so hard to achieve.

It is very strange to go from being extremely unhappy with your body to being amazed by the drastic changes that come from hard work to being terrified it could all disappear just like that.

The bad news was that I could not take Core Fusion. But the good news was that I could still exercise.

The following classes did NOT cause pain (as long as I modified certain moves): Refine Method, Core Fusion Cardio, Core Fusion Sport and, as I very recently discovered, Core Fusion Yoga. So while I still held onto my fear of losing everything (Core Fusion was my basis for everything, and the class I took most) I did feel better knowing I had options.

At Refine, Brynn helped me learn exercises that would strengthen the muscles surrounding my hips. She often tailored the class to my needs, and when there were exercises I could not do, she always had a modification for me. In Core Fusion Cardio, Kate gave me advice on what to do instead of mountain climbers (of which we do hundreds!) and always watched out for me during any knee lifts, which I always modified. I am fortunate to have such amazing teachers who look out for my best interests.

In early December, with a month to go until I could visit a doctor because health insurance in this country is terrible, Brynn recommended her sports massage therapist Danielle DeMaio. I never had a true sports massage before and it was certainly an experience — one I would strongly recommend to all athletes, runners or people who exercise with any regularity. The massage was not relaxing or peaceful. For most of the time, it hurt, but in that good way where you know you will feel a thousand times better afterwards. Danielle would have me do certain movements, like having me press my ankle against her hand, and ask if made my hip hurt, to try and gauge where my pain was coming from and what made it worse. She was so helpful and knowledgeable, and explained so much about my muscles while she worked. I hoped that my hip pain was just a result of extremely tight muscles (and they were all extremely tight) and I would feel better the next day.

While I woke up the following day feeling like I had new legs (after a year of intense exercise, I had forgotten what it was like to not be sore!) but my hip felt just as badly as the day before.

I continued to do those activities that did not hurt me.  I began taking Refine a lote more often. And the more I went to Refine, the more I fell in love. Brynn and her other teachers were so helpful and so wonderful, and I was getting some phenomenal workouts. Refine worked my muscles in an entirely different way than I was used to. Rather than isolate one muscle and work it to exhaustion, we work muscles in combination with each other, complementing each other, causing so many more small muscles that I normally ignore to wake up.  I was so lucky to have this option and keep exercising, because as I explained in my Mojo post, I can’t imagine NOT exercising. It is such an important part of my life, a priority, something I need.

January finally arrived and I had an appointment at an orthopedist who specializes in hips. At the doctor, I explained my symptoms and limitations — any exercise or stretch where I turn my knee out or lift my knee up hurts, some glutes exercises hurt, sitting for a long time hurts (once I stand – ouch). I was able to pinpoint the exact spot of pain. And, most importantly, the fact that for two months I discontinued doing the exercises that hurt me, iced and took Naproxen but failed to get any better led the doctor to the conclusion that I likely had a labral tear.

This was exactly the news I was hoping not to hear.

“Could it be anything else?” I asked him. “No,” the doctor told me. “All your symptoms pretty much point to a tear. Anything else would have healed by now.”

Crap.

The next step was to get an MRI to confirm this. I asked the doctor if a period of total rest would help; no exercise at all. By this point, I was willing to do anything it took to get better; I had a marathon to run in less than a year. The doctor told me that total rest would be pointless and is not a sustainable way to live. He told me to keep doing any exercises that did not hurt, just as I have been. It was then that I officially kissed the half marathon I signed up for in April goodbye — although I already unofficially kissed it goodbye.  Kissing has never been less fun.

And then I registered for the 2011 ING NYC Marathon.

I had to register because I spent time and money qualifying through the 9+1 Guaranteed Entry Program in 2010, and I clearly would not be running nine races again this year. Once you register, you have the ability to defer your entry to the following year — for a large fee, and then you have to pay the entry fee again as well — but it is a really great option to have.

So I went and had the most relaxing MRI of my life (this was my fifth — how is this my life!). The results confirmed the tear in my labrum (and no, Erica Sara, I did NOT tear my labia.)

You know I was still hoping for something less serious, so I felt absolutely shattered when I received the results. The doctor discussed the next steps with me at his office. First on the list was physical therapy and a cortisone injection. If in a month I was not doing better, we would discuss surgery. The surgery would entail cutting the torn area out of my hip. I do not want surgery. I couldn’t believe it even got this bad.

I found a physical therapist who takes my insurance and emphasizes core work and is located a few blocks from me. I am now going there two times a week and getting ultrasound on the area, massaged, stretched, strengthened on a Pilates reformer, electric stim (LOVE — feels like a massage) and iced. There are worse ways to spend an hour. I especially like how many of the exercises we do that I also get at Refine, such as dead lifts and squats. It makes me even more confident that the work I am doing at Refine is helping me get stronger and recover.

As for the cortisone,  I had one big concern that I discussed with my doctor. The injection would NOT heal my injury, it would just mask the discomfort. I asked, “If I get this injection and I can’t feel the pain, can I make my injury worse by inadvertently doing things that are hurting me?”

He said that this is a valid question, but he is not worried. By now I know what to avoid, and he felt that the benefits of the injection would outweigh the risks.

And then my big question: “Will I be able to run the marathon?”

He does not know.

I got the cortisone shot two weeks ago. A couple of years ago I had cortisone in my shoulder and I don’t remember it being particularly painful at all, so I went in expecting the same. WRONG. I have been through so much medically and I am not afraid of needles (although I can’t look at them), and I have never cried from pain during any procedure. From humiliation and discomfort, yes, but never from pain. Until this injection. That freaking hurt. The needle was in my body for what seemed like eternity. The tears streamed. And for the rest of the day, I limped. I couldn’t exercise for three days!

A few days later I was fine, but my hip still felt off and I was just as swollen as always. I kept living life as I had been. Fred DeVito, co-founder of Core Fusion, gave me a Thai Therapy treatment which was absolutely wonderful. I will describe this in greater detail in its own post, but, along with the sports massage, this is something every runner needs to experience. Nothing else will loosen you up and refresh your muscles like this.

As soon as I left, I was shocked at what it feels like to not be sore anywhere. After the sports massage, my legs felt new. After the Thai massage, my entire body felt new. I exercise so much I seem to be in a constant state of soreness, so this was a very nice reprieve. And this week, I will get my first acupuncture treatment at exhale spa. I am very excited to share this experience with you in the coming weeks; I will have about four treatments in total. As you can see, I am determined to do whatever it takes to get better.

Physical therapy is going well. I might not enjoy the thousands of leg presses, but that electric stim sure feels nice. As of last week, the swelling in my hip has finally gone down. I don’t know what exactly that means, but I know it is a good sign.

I miss running. Specifically, I miss racing and creating playlists. I miss sharing my race experiences and playlists with you. I was really looking forward to running the Brooklyn Half Marathon for the first time, but that is out of the question. There will be absolutely no running for me while I heal. For me to do the full marathon, I would need to be better by June so I could start training.

June feels so close. At the time I drafted this post, I wrote that June feels too close. But now? Now I am finally starting to feel better. I am really beginning to feel like this marathon just might happen.

I originally planned on running the NYC Marathon for charity, with Team For Kids. Part of the reason was because it is a wonderful charity, but the other aspect was the training they provide. If I trained with them, I would get coached runs three times a week, forcing me to train smartly in ways I wouldn’t know how to on my own, particularly in terms of pacing, hill and speed work, and most importantly, preventing injury. There’s the added benefit of always having other people to run with, and meeting new people.

My charity auction for the NYC Half Marathon last year raised so much money for Think Pink Rocks, I knew that with a lot more time (assuming I started fundraising this past January for my November race) I would be able to get some really amazing products and services from various companies and hold an even better auction, plus fundraise in other ways. But I can’t ask you to donate your money for a race I can’t commit to run.

If, in June, I believe I am truly well enough to train for a marathon — and this will be after extensive physical therapy, more doctor visits, second and maybe third opinions — I will reconsider Team for Kids and determine if I think I can raise $2,100 in a much shorter time period than I planned. And even if I decide not to go the charity route, I will still train for the marathon if I am sure I am better. I have so many friends running this year which is partly why I have been so excited about this marathon. I will definitely have more than enough support to train either way.

If I am not 100% better by June, I will give myself one more month, until July 1 — the absolute final day I would be able to start training –– before officially deferring the race.

And what about Core Fusion? I’m just taking it day by day with that one. Right now I am really loving Refine as my base and Core Fusion Cardio and Core Fusion Yoga as supplements. After giving Sport three more chances, I decided I still don’t love it . And if there is anything you might have learned about me through this blog, it is that I only do workouts that I love.

Were my fears right? Did I lose anything from not doing Core Fusion for so long? The only difference I can really tell is that I lost some flexibility. I especially noticed it in CF Yoga the other day. I plan to take that class once a week now that I know it doesn’t bother my hip, and I hope that helps my flexibility. Otherwise, Refine has definitely helped me maintain the strength and endurance I accomplished last year — and I even noticed some additional improvements in my butt and shoulders.

I still can’t let go of my fears though and I do hope to be able to add Core Fusion back into my life again.  While I am afraid of not taking Core Fusion, I am more afraid of making my injury worse. When I am ready to get back into it, Fred DeVito will meet with me and show me modifications and offer advice on how to avoid hurting myself again (seriously, the people in my life are awesome) so I know I will be OK.

But right now, my goal is to run this marathon. I will avoid everything that bothered my hip at all because I simply won’t risk hurting myself again. It is so important to me to run this race, this year, with some of my closest friends. If that means giving up the classes I love, if that is what it takes, I will do it. And the amazing thing is that this experience opened me up to new classes I also love. I might not have been nearly as receptive to this before. I learned so much more about how exercise and muscle groups work, and I learn even more from the Refine blog. I am taking my new knowledge that I learn from Brynn and using it to help me heal. I am learning that challenging my body in different ways with different types of workouts will help avoid injury from always doing the same thing and using the same muscles. I have been introduced to new experiences (acupuncture! thai massage!) that I might not have gotten to try. This is all amazing.

So while my injury sucks and I can’t help but blame myself for ignoring the pain before it got worse, I believe that in the long run this could be a blessing in disguise. I now know how to exercise smarter and decrease my chance of injury again.

I just want to run this marathon. If I’m not better in time, I won’t. But I believe I will be.

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